Kandi Regrets Being So Open About Her Marriage On Tv

February 18, 2015  |  

During this past episode of “Real Housewives of Atlanta,” Kandi and Todd have been on two different pages. There were several communication issues that seemed to trip them up. Kandi’s play was canceled and in response Todd asked her if she “did her research.” And though he might have been trying to provide a solution or rationalize the cancelation, it came off as dismissive and insulting. Of course she did her research! Kandi is a businesswoman. But I digress.

Then when the two were in LA filming, Todd decided that he was going to hang back for a few days afterward and kick it with his boys.

This compounded by the fact that they’d only had sex once that week, led Kandi to believe that he might be stepping out on her. And Kandi told her friend Carmen that she suspected Todd of cheating. Sadly, all of this took place on camera.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times; when it comes to relationships, sometimes it’s just better to keep your drama and messiness behind closed doors. And as a newlywed, Kandi is also learning that lesson.

In her blog for Bravo Kandi wrote:

As soon as Todd and I got married he had to leave for LA to start production on his show. We went from being together every day to going weeks without seeing each other. It took some time to adjust. Things were tense for a short period of time, but we’re great now. I do regret talking about it on TV. I’m a very open person, but I’m learning that it’s not always a great idea to be an open book when it comes to your marriage.

Let the church say Amen!

We could go on and on about the couples whose marriages have failed with the help of reality tv. Though most of us don’t have cameras in our homes, the same concept applies when you consider telling your friends about every argument and issue that arises in your relationship. Sometimes…no, most times, it’s better to work it out amongst yourselves, or with a neutral third party, and keep it moving.

Basically, when you tell your friends and family about the drama in your relationship, they’re listening as people who are loyal to you…not your man or partner. They’ll be looking at him crazy from now until eternity if you ever mention anything he might have done wrong. Even after you’ve moved past the argument and the dust has settled, your people will still be holding a grudge. Not to mention, you conveniently forgot to tell them how you were acting a fool. They weren’t there for his apology and the resolution and you didn’t update them on how his behavior has changed for the better. One, because those make up stories aren’t as juicy and two, because they’re not in the relationship and have little incentive to forgive his offenses.

That’s just what happens when you invite outside opinions into your relationship.

And that’s what Kandi is doing by discussing her relationship with Todd, not only with her friend, but with millions of viewers around the country and world. Inviting them to cast judgment without knowing even half of the story. As one of my coworkers mentioned, it also adds fuel to that very messy fire Mama Joyce started. God knows the world doesn’t want her to be right about Todd. But I’m sure listening to Kandi discuss what seem like normal communication issues is making her feel really validated right now.

But it’s hard not to discuss your relationship when you roll deep with your man and cameras are following you around all the time. As we were discussing this at work, someone suggested that it might be time for Kandi and Todd to step away from RHOA in an attempt to preserve their marriage. I’ll be honest, my first reaction was “Nooooo.” I don’t even watch RHOA anymore but when I did, I always appreciated Kandi’s levelheadedness and her ability to avoid the cattiness that has been associated with the show. If she leaves, doesn’t it seem like all hell will break loose? Who is going to bring the ackright?

And while the show might take yet another dip in classiness, it just might help to keep Kandi and Todd together.

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