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I’ve written once before about trying to lose my baby weight.  It’s not that I don’t know how, it’s just that I haven’t been consistent.

Before, whenever I would start trying to lose weight, my family and/or friends would tell me:  “Don’t worry about it now.  You’re a mother, and it’ll come off when it’s supposed to come off.”

At first I would shake it off, and say:  “No!  If Beyoncé can lose her baby weight in six weeks, so can I!”  So I would suck it up in the morning, and start off doing my six week work out plan… only to fizzle out and buy a bag of chips after four weeks.

I really couldn’t understand why I couldn’t keep my enthusiasm throughout this time.  I also couldn’t understand why Chili Cheese Fritos tasted so good!  Why?!

So after a while, I started telling myself:  “You know what?  My family is right.  There doesn’t have to be a rush to lose the weight.  I’m a newly single parent.  Raising my child should be my first concern!”  So that’s what I focused on… while also eating cupcakes.  That “concern” began to fizzle out when I put some more weight on, on top of the baby weight, and then I realized that my “concern” was nothing more than an excuse.

Once Brande, in her awesome post about weight loss, shared her journey, I decided that this year I was going to do it!  So I set up a bunch of alarms on my phone with messages that said:  “Hey!  Wake up!  Work out!  Don’t be a fatty!” I also screen shot a few before and after photos from a few fitness IG accounts that I follow and put them as my screensaver and home screen.

Within the first week it worked… until it didn’t anymore.

As a problem-solver, I started looking at my actions and trying to pinpoint what I was doing that was sabotaging my efforts.  When I ran past the idea to one of my friends about finding a new motivation, that’s when she opened my eyes about what the true problem could be.

So much of my “inspiration” for weight loss was in the vein of being mean to myself.  The same way how I wouldn’t want someone to call one of my friends “fatty,” I shouldn’t do that myself.

One night, while I was washing my face and contemplating a new course of my weight-loss-action, the melodic voice of Musiq Soulchild rang from my phone as he sang “So Beautiful.”  Then, it finally all hit.

My problem in the past is that I’ve been comparing myself to other people, and then belittling myself when I didn’t hit their same milestones when I felt like I should.

I was insulting myself in a failed attempt to get me up and moving, when it did the complete opposite.  Essentially, I wasn’t loving myself for how I am, and felt that I could only do it when I finally got my pre-baby body back.

I decided to see what would happen if I played “So Beautiful” each morning before I attempted to work out, to see if it was effective, and… it is.

Each morning, after I put on my workout shoes, I take a moment and play it, to remind myself that at this moment right now, I am beautiful.  Not only has it helped me to stay on course, if I hear the song when I’m walking to my favorite cupcake shop, it makes me walk past it.  There have been about two times that I intentionally skipped the song, because I REALLY wanted those cupcakes, but hey, progress, right?  Right?!

So, my note to you, whatever goal you feel like you want to reach, being verbally abusive to yourself is going to hinder your success rather than enable it.

I’ve learned through this journey that you have to find the best thing to help you make the best decisions for yourself.  Sometimes, “tough love” might not be productive, and if you need someone crooning to you about how wonderful you are (though the song wasn’t made FOR you, but you know what I mean), then do it.  It might help you get closer to your goal than you think.

Kendra Koger hasn’t had a cupcake in two weeks… and probably hasn’t been on twitter for that same amount of time @kkoger.

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