Would you relocate for love?
It’s a question I have been seriously contemplating; and in all honesty, I wouldn’t rule it out.
My hometown of Philly has been in the news lots lately. It was not only named the second-best shopping city in the world by Condé Nast Traveler reader’s choice list, but Philly is also number 3 on the New York Times list of top 52 places you should go. The city has lots of great amenities also including cheap housing, low-taxes and an amazing park system. And not only is the Pope coming in September; but just today, the Democratic National committee has decided it too would hold its convention here.
But in spite of the accolades and assets, this place is just dead to me.
And I’m not talking about the club scene, or the art scene, or the film and music scene or whatever scene that there is here. I’m talking about the men. In short, we ain’t got any.
Okay, that’s not true: there are men visible and walking around, but I have no idea what they’re into – outside of themselves. Alright, that’s also not true.
All Philly men are not stuck on themselves. Some are just in jail. Some are not independent (financially or emotionally). Some are shallow meatheads, who feel that just because they have a nice car and a good job, they don’t really need a personality. Some are just players, who have no intention of settling down. And some are married; some to more than one woman (and anyone from Philly knows I’m not exaggerating this claim at all).
And before folks start going in with the usual trite we used to silence women about legitimate gripes we have about the selection of men on the dating scene, including how I need to look more (or less) or how I need to smile more (or less) or how I need to stop being too picky (or become more picky), etc…, there is actual scientific research to back up my claims.
The website Citylab.com, along with the Martin Prosperity Institute, have crunched the numbers and discovered that Philadelphia has 70,000 more single women between the ages of 16 to 64 than single men. And it is not just a Philly problem. The article says that the odds are in favor of the fellas in most major East Coast cities like Atlanta, which has 80,000 extra single women, Washington D.C., which has 65,000, and New York City, which has a whopping 230,000 extra women. Something tells me that when Beyoncé sung “Single Ladies,” this is not what she had in mind…
While the aforementioned numbers includes a wide array of singles, when the numbers are broken down even more into age groups, the site notes that the numbers get a little more fairer, particularly if you are between the ages of 18 to 34 range.
With that said:
“But the pattern starts to change for singles aged 35 to 44. Notice the growing number and size of the pinks dots: Now the odds start to shift in favor of single men. Pink circles dot the entire Northeast Boston-Washington corridor, including New York, and the odds also favor single men in Chicago, Atlanta, Dallas, and Houston. The West Coast remains largely blue, with single women having the advantage in San Francisco, San Jose, Los Angeles, and Seattle, as well as Las Vegas, Austin, Minneapolis-St. Paul, Honolulu, Salt Lake City, Denver and Pittsburgh.”
And according to the piece, the odds get even more favorable to men even as they mature into retirement age. More specifically, the article notes:
“This map is almost entirely pink, meaning that, by middle age, single men have the advantage nearly across the board. This is true on the West Coast as well as the East Coast. New York leads with a whopping surplus of more than 325,000 single women in this age range (1,392 single women per 1,000 single men). L.A. now moves into second place, with 140,000 plus more single women (1,256). There are over 100,000 more single women in this age group than men in Chicago (1,259). And there are at least 50,000 more single women aged 45 to 64 than men in Atlanta, D.C., Philly, Miami, Dallas, Houston and Boston.”
Now you see why Philly guys like Shawn Bullard from “Match Made In Heaven” can claim themselves bounty in the alleged war between Black and white “sistas,” even when their lips are perpetually shiny and wet like Dutch Boy premium high gloss exterior paint. Listen, if he can talk “honestly” about not liking head scarves, we can tell him to blot those lips.
But back to the point, in the past, I would have thought a woman desperate for picking up and moving in hopes of finding better prospects for love and marriage. However if those numbers are accurate (and I do believe they are), now I think that she is kind of smart and definitely a go-getter. And as I get older, I realize that often what you want in life requires you actively making that happen. So, if moving is what I have to do to find a decent dude, then booking a U-haul and moving out of town is exactly what I’m willing to do.
In all truthfulness, a part of me is likely burnt out with this city anyway. I was born and raised here and after college, have spent most of my adult life here. I feel like I have done all I could professionally and socially here – and I have done it twice. And although I will miss Sunnah beards and Muslim oils, it is probably time that Philly dudes and I go see other people.
Oh in case you were wondering, the CityLab article notes that the best places for a single gal are likely in major cities on the West Coast including San Jose, San Francisco, Las Vegas and even Honolulu. Also small town like “Hanford-Corcoran, California; Jackson, Mississippi; Duluth, Minnesota-Wisconsin; Jefferson, Missouri and St. Cloud, Minnesota.”