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I tend to get the heaviest, most consistent amount of attitude from my lady first thing on a weekday morning.

Perhaps it’s because the morning reminds us of our woes – not enough sleep when the alarm blares, waking us to deal with a non-ideal career situation – but even when she doesn’t attack, I often see that tension in her face, the wind-up for a snap-off if I do something that rubs her even slightly the wrong way. So I try to keep it one-hunnit by maintaining some distance and not poking a branch in the A$$ of a sleeping bear.

By design, men aren’t the most attentive creatures. But the wise ones gain insight into how to argue with their woman, and learn which battles to pick. I think most brothers in my general demo – late 20s/early 30s, college educated – figure this out early in a relationship and are even-keeled to the point where they’re not generally impetuous with their partners.

It helps that men are not predisposed to argue with females. (It’s a scientific fact. Look it up.) You all pelt us with your fusillade of nags, and we just mentally transport ourselves to a better place, like in front of a 60-inch plasma with a PlayStation 3 controller in hand or shrunken down and nestled snugly inside Paula Patton’s bra.

About 92.78 percent of the Shyte you argue with us about we find entirely asinine. Caps left off toothpaste, water rings left on your wooden kitchen table…it’s all hot wind that we can do without. We see it coming, our defenses go up and we develop an invisible shield like the ships in “Independence Day” that block us from caring. It’s a shield forged from years of listening to our mamas.

But that shield is not impervious: every man has a breaking point. Ladies, you’re like a buncha hood schoolchildren with a pretty white female substitute teacher, pushing to see everything you can get away with. But that sub is often driven to snap and leave those kids wide-eyed and quiet. No one wants an angry white substitute.

My sole advice is to pick your battles – if you don’t try to war with us as frequently, we’ll know that when you do get mad, it’s worth perking up our ears. Relationships are about accepting some things that will either never change, or will change very, very slowly over time.

If our dirty draws on the sofa are as bad as we get, think about how you don’t wanna explain on a first date that they were the reason you broke up with the last one. You probably won’t make it to dessert.

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