Weird Bedroom Toys That Actually Exist
You’ll feel pretty normal—tame, in fact—after learning that real people around the world use these real sex toys. It’s fun to wonder if UPS ever dropped off one of these packages at the wrong door, and that’s not even an innuendo.
The anti-sex sex toy
Called the KIIRO, this highly evolved (or devolved?) equipment works like this: the woman uses the vibrator on herself, the vibrator measures the speed and depth of penetration and then sends those signals to the male toy, so the man and woman apparently experience the same thing. Or they could just have sex. Just a thought.
The personal photographer
Very personal. Here we have the Gaga which is essentially a vibrator with a camera inside. The camera delivers footage to, well, whoever the user allows and can even be watched from a smartphone or tablet.
The clown vibrator
Because there is nothing more relaxing than the face of a clown. Yes—that’s the image a woman wants to see before taking off her underwear.
A very attachable tail
For the furries out there who take their fetish very seriously, here is the butt plug tail.
The Stepford Wife
We’ll call this the Stepford Wife, renamed. Named the Realdoll, this sex doll comes with everything from skeleton fingers to voice activation for the, er, Realwife experience? No. Not at all.
The male vibrator
Termed the Pulse, this little contraption is a static simulator that uses oscillations on a man’s member to, you know.
The pocket playmate
Or the ImToy, this device hooks up to your smartphone or tablet and, using 30 different vibrational movement and three motors, replicates whatever you’re watching on that little screen of yours. You get the drift.
It’s what it sounds like, and is essentially an upgraded version of the fleshlight. Or a downgraded one, depending on what the user is into.
The electric condom
Otherwise known as the electric eel, this is a fabric sleeve wired with electrodes that a man puts over his member and adjusts with a microcontroller for heightened sensation. That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The avatar lover
Officially called the VR Tenga, this device hooks a man up in two places: his face and his downstairs. On his face goes the goggles that display an animated woman, and on his member goes a cylinder that creates certain sensations. The overall result is the illusion of getting it on with a cartoon woman.
The thing that lets you bang your iPad
Or, the Launchpad. This is basically a fleshlight you can attach to your tablet so you can physically engage with whatever sorts of videos you like to watch. You may never want to touch another person’s iPad again knowing this is out there.
The best friends vibrators
Otherwise known as the LovePalz, this system is similar to the KIIRO. The system comes with a male and female unit, each of which connects to their own respective computers. When one person is engaging with his or hers, that toy sends signals, meant to replicate the pleasure person 1 is feeling, to person 2.
The scorpion vibrator
Somewhere out there somebody thought, “Scorpions are so sensual. Let’s make a toy out of one” and out came a little terror called the Death by Orgasm, a very real-life looking scorpion vibrator. It’s no longer on the market. We can only imagine why but we really don’t want to.
The K9 muzzle and paws
Cosplay and S&M are things you’re probably familiar with. But when they come together, creating some sort of sexy human puppy, it’s disturbing.
A dragon dildo
Now you know where your girlfriend’s character wanders off to when you play World of Warcraft. She’s definitely boinking a dragon.