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Most of us don’t think about how we position ourselves for sex. We just bend, twist, lift, stand, (lay there?) etc. We continue on in the moment of pleasure until we hit a spot that just doesn’t feel too good, and suddenly our feel good moment is ruined by a thrust of pain. Most positions that allow deep, thrusting penetration can be painful for women, especially if her partner is well endowed or she has an underlying medical condition. Generally, positions that allow the woman to control the pace and penetration, like woman on top, tend to be more comfortable for a sufferer of painful sex. In order to find out what works, experiment with different positions, techniques and props to find out the one(s) that offer the most stimulation with the least amount of pain. Below are some helpful hints that may allow you to experience more pleasure and less pain during sex:

Pillows work wonders. You know those decorative pillows can be used for more than making the bed look pretty! They can also be used to help alleviate pain and make you feel great during sex. Pillows can help by reducing the amount of sling action and tension. They can also help align the body. There are companies that make specialized pillows specifically for sex. They are great, however they tend to be a bit expensive.

Synchronize your body. Become a slave to the rhythm! Keep your body in synch with your partner. Aligning your bodies during sex will help to make penetration much easier. Flowing together with the same rhythmic motion will not only minimize pain but also help to synchronize movements and breathing which will help increase intimacy. Additionally, it increases your partners chances of hitting all the right spots!

Increase body awareness. Become intimately acquainted with your body movements on a daily basis. Learn what movements result in pleasure and pain. This type of awareness will help you identify movements that may result in pleasure and pain during sex. Additionally, it helps you to be present and more in tune with intercourse. This body awareness can result in mind-blowing orgasms.

Avoid the jerk. If you have lower back pain, avoid sexual positions that involve a lot of thrusting; also avoid sudden jerking movements. Instead, transition gently from one position to the next. Keeping your neck and back aligned will also help to reduce pain. Abrupt moves always ruin the mood and the orgasm.

Be aware of the legs. Lifting your legs can be a real strain, especially if you already have lower back problems or if your leg muscles aren’t flexible. Overextending the legs during sex can also lead to fatigue and cramping. To minimize the aching on the legs, use pillows to prop up your legs or positions that allow you to use your partners body for support. Relax those legs!

Change it up. Stop having sex the same old way! Experiment with different positions and techniques to see what works for both of you. It can be a challenge at first, but it helps to break the monotony, adds creativity and helps to alleviate pain. Remember variety is the spice of life!

Let go! Stop concentrating so much and allow your body to relax. Holding your body so tightly during sex constricts your blood. Additionally, when we are tense our muscles tighten up causing pain. Let go and allow the energy to flow through your body to increase your pleasure and orgasmic intensity.


Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. Dr. TaMara is also the publisher and editor-in-chief of Our Sexuality!, a magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, or

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