Why Having Divorced Parents Is Good For Your Relationships

January 3, 2015  |  
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Having divorced parents can make a person acutely aware of all the little things that can ruin a relationship. Is that a big burden to carry? Yes. But in many ways it is a blessing. Here are some ways having divorced parents could be good for your relationships.

You were around a lot of fighting

You were probably around some pretty awful relationship fights towards the end of your parent’s divorce, whether they were outright yelling matches or fights where everyone went to their separate corners for the day.

So you don’t tolerate fighting

While some people may think daily arguments is just par for the course in relationships, you know that it’s not a good thing if you and your partner argue regularly. If you find yourself in an argumentative relationship, you’ll be quick to get out of it rather than make excuses for it.

You worked hard to feel safe alone

After your parents divorced, you probably felt slightly abandoned—your support system was broken up. You probably learned how to feel safe and even enjoy having a very independent life.

 

So you won’t rush to move in together

You might even be stubborn and make your partner wait a little too long to move in together, but that’s much better than moving in too soon.

 

The pain of divorce is already real to you

Some people really, truly have the mentality about marriage, “Hey, if it doesn’t work out, we can always get a divorce.” Typically, they don’t have divorced parents.

 

Divorce is no game to you

You have firsthand experienced the trauma and challenges of divorce. You’d never walk down the isle with someone you even for a second had doubts about. Divorce, to you, is not an option.

You know your partner needs to be your BFF

Whatever the reason a couple divorces—lack of communication, different interests, no longer being attracted to one another—it usually boils down to one issue: they were not best friends.

 

So you’ll seek out a BFF in a spouse

You are not quick to think a relationship will work out because you’re extremely attracted to the person, or because you have the same life goals, or because you have fun together. You know all those things have to coexist for a relationship to work out.

You’re good at being alone

It’s typical for kids with divorced parents to put off getting into relationships until later in life, or at least being very, very picky. You probably spend a decent amount of time single and fine with that.

So you won’t pick a spouse out of fear

In order to pick a good partner, you need to first be happy being alone! Then and only then do you choose the partner for the right reasons, rather than fear of being alone.

You know you need your own life

You saw how miserable your parents were after their divorce, when they’d maybe neglected friendships during their marriage, neglected their own hobbies and work, and suddenly had no life.

So you cultivate a full life

You make sure that you never let a relationship take over your life. You keep up friendships, hobbies, and your ambitions.

You don’t waste anyone’s time (including your own)

You can see how your parents probably knew they were wasting each other’s time from the beginning. They probably knew this or that wasn’t right, but they wanted so badly to make it work. And of course, it didn’t.

 

So you cut chords fast

If you know you don’t see a future with a guy or you spot a deal breaker, you end it. You know what happens when two people “try” to make it work, and ignore red flags.

 

You wont let a man rush you

Because you’re so aware of the pain of divorce, you want a very long relationship before committing to marriage.

And you’ll notice if a man rushes you

So not only will you not let a man rush you, you’ll also consider if the relationship is right for you if a guy does try to rush you. You’ll wonder if he is as cautious as you are.

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