As many of you have been, I’ve been watching “Real Housewives of Atlanta” this season and have witnessed Cynthia plant trees and develop clouds that are throwing shade like no one’s business. There’s a lot of discussion about this “new Cynthia,” but honestly, she’s not new. The Cynthia that you’re seeing now is the result of holding in too much stuff.
Just like when you add baking soda and vinegar, or lye to your hand, suppressed emotions can cause an extreme reaction that might even be painful to you and others. This is what I think is going on with Cynthia.
Like I’ve said before, I don’t know Cynthia and Nene personally. All I know is what I’ve seen on the multiple seasons, and with that information we see how Cynthia’s main story line so far is about her broken friendship with Nene. Every time she sits down to talk to someone, she’s discussing how Nene has wronged her in the past, was rude to her if she didn’t agree with her, and how Nene’s mean spirited behavior ultimately drove her away.
Some people think that Cynthia is doing this to ensure her spot on RHOA, but I don’t think so. I think that these are the thoughts, feelings and opinions that Cynthia has felt for a very long time, but didn’t utter them because she held out hope for the friendship.
We’ve all seen how Nene can sometimes loud-talk her way into winning an argument, and we’ve seen how Cynthia can quiet herself down to keep the peace. Those two things together can allow the quieter person to feel resentment. There’s a feeling of how one person always feel free to express their displeasure with things in life, but you can’t.
This is why you need to SPEAK UP when things happen! A lot of times people think that they are just keeping the peace, when in actuality they are just keeping themselves and their feelings in bondage. After a while, just like when you shake up a canned/bottled soda, things can explode.
So if the friendship is finally over, why is Cynthia still talking about it? Because Cynthia has had years of repressed animosity. Cynthia has probably felt like she was walking on egg shells during her friendship with Nene, while Nene could sashay freely all over the friendship. The words that we’re hearing now are the words that Cynthia probably rehearsed to say, but never did. These were the talking points that she would go over in her head as she went on being fabulous, but the moment she saw Nene, and Nene smiled at her, she probably thought: “Well, was it really that serious? She probably didn’t mean for it to come off how it did, and maybe I’m being too sensitive?” So she swallowed her words and decided that the next time she would speak up, but she never did.
How do I know this? I don’t, but I do know that this is what I used to do. I would try to not rock the boat with best friends and family members. However, I usually ended up feeling like I was in a one-sided union. These people had the freedom to express whatever they wanted to about me, my life, or the things that annoyed them, while I felt like I had to quiet myself down to keep the peace. Then, when the relationship finally went sour, that’s when it was like vomit, unpleasant to witness and hard to be around.
Then I would proceed to finally let all of the frustrations that I had against that person out and it took a very long time too.
It wasn’t until I started just addressing things when they happened in college that my relationships got better. There wasn’t that underlining feeling of resentment, and when someone made me angry, I was only angry at that isolated incident, instead of a stream of situations that had happened.
So to you, dear readers, it’s going to be hard if this is something that you struggle with. Believe me, even though I’m more vocal with expressing things, I still find myself struggling with trying to express my displeasure with the more sensitive people in my life. However, I know that it would be better to express how I feel, have them mad at me now, than me going completely off and ending a meaningful relationship.
Friendships are like bridges, it could take months to build, but one swift blow can tear it down. If it’s a relationship that you cherish, you owe it to your friend/family and even yourself to speak your mind. It’s not right for you to have to silence yourself for other people.
Also, when the shoe is on the other foot and someone wants to express their displeasure with you, remember to be open to the criticism, because it could be what could save your friendship.
Kendra Koger has been speaking up and tweeting @kkoger.