Success & Gratitude: Why Professional Women Should Remember To Say ‘Thank You’ To Their Mates

December 2, 2014  |  

One of the things many successful women find stressful is lack of support at home. But when your spouse/partner has your back it’s important to show you appreciate them.

“Women, who are successful in their profession, particularly where they directly compete with men in the workplace, tend to have to be much more aggressive in order to gain the respect deserved and desired,” marriage strategist Atiya, founder of The Marriage Tree, tells MadameNoire.”Unfortunately, a large number of these professional powerhouses, have not quite learned how to be as proficient at balancing things on the home front.”

If you are not alone in your journey it is important to tell those who help “Thank you.”

“Like women need to be loved and an attentive listening ear to keep the old heart beating for that special someone, the two things that a man must have in order for a woman to remain the apple of his eye, are appreciation and admiration. However, sometimes this can be a tall order for a career-oriented woman, especially in the African-American community.” Black women are often left to carry heavy loads alone, making it difficult to express gratitude. But when there is support, it is important for women to recognize it.

Music executive Vivian Scott Chew is a busy woman but she not only appreciates her husband, arranger/producer/musical director Ray Chew’s support, she lets him know she does.

After a long successful career at various major record companies such as Polygram, Sony/550 Records, Epic Records, Vivian, who became the first African-American woman to head the American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers (ASCAP) in 1985,  launched her own music company, TimeZone International, in 1997. Through TimeZone Chew markets music acts to international audiences; her clients have included Jill Scott, Brain McKnight, and India.Arie, among others. Chew Entertainment, a company she co-owns with Ray, offers direction and musical support for new and emerging artists.

On top of all her work, Vivian also serves on the board of directors for Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation of North Jersey and Rockland Counties. And in 1993, she co-founded the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation Music Industry Dinner, which raised $2 million for research for a cure, reports the History Makers.

“I had been a big fan of Vivian Scott for many years before we were a couple. So I celebrate her successes as an admirer of her as a professional,” says Ray, who married Vivian in 1997. “I support her endeavors in many ways but particularly by being that person that she can always rely upon for sincere and true advice… when she needs it.”

“Ray supported me when I was an executive at Sony Music into my entrepreneurial career. It was him who convinced me to wake up every morning to do what you love,” says Vivian. Ray carries a heavy load himself. Now in his second season at ABC’s Dancing With The Stars, he has worked with nearly every artist imaginable, from Diana Ross to Alicia Keys.

There are many ways you can tell your mate you appreciate their support. Verbalize it. “The simplest way to let someone know that the support you’re getting makes a difference to you and your career is to say so, both directly to your partner and also to others,” reports Inc.

Don’t take over his role in your relationship. “Let him be the man,” says Atiya. “It is important for women not to emasculate their husbands. He might not make as much money as they do. He might not be as educated as some men in their circles, but he is still a man and deserves to be respected, honored, and appreciated even for the little things that he is able to do and be acknowledged for it.”

Always do your best. “I show him my appreciation by being the best me that I can be,” Vivian tells MademNoire. “That, and a good ole home cooked meal goes a long way! I’m cool with being ‘Mrs. Ray Chew’. It’s an honor.”

Let your partner help. It can be hard for successful women to admit they need help, but everyone needs it. “Keep in mind that when you’re overworked, overloaded, or frustrated that needed things aren’t getting done, it affects your partner too,” reports Inc. Adds Atiya, “A husband wants to know that his wife needs him. Sometimes she has to be that damsel in distress like other women are trying to be for her man when she is not looking. Let him be her hero.”

Remember you are in a partnership. “Be interdependent versus independent,” says Atiya. “A person who is being interdependent in their relationship consults with their partner on matters. They communicate and include their mate on discussions and decisions. Interdependence is the spirit of mutuality, and togetherness…When couples are interdependent, they are inter-connected, cooperative with each other, and work as a team.”

Don’t leave your mate out; include them in your success. “Share your success. If your success in the business world is the result of both your efforts, then you should share that success with your partner as often as you can,” reports Inc. “Any time you can bring your partner with you into the fun aspects of your job, try and do it. Your partner has probably seen plenty of the dark side already, so this may provide some balance.” Take your partner along to office parties and business functions whenever you can.

Support goes both ways. As your mate supports you, you should support them.  “If your partner has work he or she cares about, even if it’s something that doesn’t seem important to you, support that work to the best of your ability. Show up at events, create introductions to your business partners, and do anything else you can think of to make your partner as successful as you are,” reports Inc. “That will benefit you just as much as your success and happiness benefits your partner.”

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