Relationship Debate: ‘My Homegirl Hits Her Man Sometimes. Is She Justified?’

March 25, 2011  |  

Dear China,

My homegirl and B.F.F. has given so much to her current boyfriend, who is such a knuckle-head, that it pains me. She isn’t typically a violent person, but sometimes, her boyfriend does things that make no sense to anyone but himself. She has hit him on the face for lying, and lunged at him for cheating (even though he denies cheating). They don’t get into it all the time, but she won’t let him get away with his ridiculous behavior. He seems to be improving because he does not want to lose her. Is she at least sometimes justified in smacking him?

Sincerely,
Hit Me With It

Dear Hit Me With It,

I can advise your friend with certainty that she cannot control a man’s behavior by hitting him. In fact, it’s much more effective and much healthier for her to leave a situation than to try to control it at all. If her boyfriend is cheating on her or mistreating her, he’s not going to stop simply because she’s smacking him left and right.

We’ve talked before about men not laying their hands on a woman. Physical violence committed by a man against any woman or child is pretty much a guarantee for a place in hell, whether hell is a jail cell, a label against that man, or somewhere a lil hotter than earth. At the same time, women need to be careful not to engage relationship violence.

You friend needs to learn how to communicate with not just her man, but with people in general, without punching them out. She can channel that anger in the gym, get a banging body and have men falling at her feet. She can take self-defense classes, volunteer at a ravaged area in New Orleans, help to build something positive for school children, develop a new physical idea, open up a business downtown, start a moving and lifting business–and so much more if she has all that extra physical energy to spare.

Very simply, she is not justified in hitting her man, she could get into some serious life-scarring, legal, trouble for doing so, and she needs to leave that situation and go repair herself. STAT.

À Bientôt
~ Madame C.

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