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Hey Madame,

I have a question. I have black on my dad’s side of the family, even though I don’t look like I do. How do I convince people that I have to use relaxers, oils, and can’t wash my hair every day? I’m the only grandchild with thick, wirey, curly, big luscious, hair. I have some friends who give me tips, but most people don’t believe me when I say I have to leave oil in my hair and it takes me forever to do my hair.

Jazmine: Hey there! I’m not really sure how you can convince people of how much effort you have to put into caring for your hair, nor am I sure why you would want to. What’s important is that you know how to care for your hair. To me, it seems that you’re a bit too caught up in what people think/believe. Just do your thing. What your family and friends think about your hair regimen doesn’t really matter.

Lauren: I don’t think you need to justify your personal hair regimen with others. People can suggest new products or tips but you don’t have to explain why your hair is not like theirs. If I were you, I wouldn’t make your  hair the subject of a conversation with people who make you feel “different” or small because you’ll end up hating yourself.

Victoria: I’m not sure who you’re trying to convince, but it’s not worth it. You know your struggle and unless they’re going to help you with your hair or are trying to give you product/styling recommendations from a positive place, it’s not something you need to convince people of or complain about. We all struggle with our hair, black, white, green, purple–whatever. Do some research on products for your type of curls and/or hair issues and you’ll be fine.

Brande: The first step is to stop worrying about trying to convince people of anything. Your hair routine is your hair routine, no one else’s business. I can imagine being the only grandchild with your particular type of hair, you get bombarded with plenty of questions about why you use certain products and to that I say, explain your hair texture — once — and move on. You don’t have to say “Oh I have Black in my family” or whatever, just say your hair texture is thicker, coarser, whatever and product x,y,z styles it best. Case closed.

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