To Be Single, Educated And Black: Embracing My Not-So-Fairytale Life After 30

October 21, 2014  |  


By 30 I thought I would have it all together: my career in order, married with my man and happy, and possibly working on having my first child. I couldn’t have been more wrong. My career, because I made a change in occupation recently, is just getting started. My man isn’t happy because…well, I don’t have one. And as for a child, with this hectic schedule (and did I mention no man?), it’s not happening anytime soon.  For a while my tainted predictions got me down, but now, not as much. I am finally embracing my not so fairytale life after 30.

My friends and I used to compare “I expected to have this by this time” scenarios. Recently, I stopped. For the sake of my sanity and the productiveness of my future, I figured that it was a bad idea to indulge in moping over something I couldn’t change. Okay, things didn’t work out as planned. Now what? It’s actually the story of most people’s lives as they transition from their twenties into the over-30 club. There is always something that doesn’t go as expected, but that doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen.

This generation, as jacked up as we can be at times, is on a quest for happiness. Staying in unfulfilling careers and getting married just to say you’re married is not as common as it once was. Our generation is one of trial and error. We’re always trying to figure out what works for us and pursue fulfilling lives. This journey takes time.

My childhood fantasies of what my adult life would look like are just that–fantasies. They don’t exist in real time, but instead of agonizing over what didn’t happen, I’m hopeful of all that is to come.

If I were married prematurely, I wouldn’t be able to experience some of the once-in-a-lifetime experiences that I’ve been able to go through. If I had a child, it would be harder for me to change careers that consist of crazy hours while climbing the career ladder. It could be done, but it would require a lot of adjusting.

Things happen in due time and what’s meant to happen for one person isn’t necessarily meant at the same time for another person. So what if most of your college friends are married and you’re struggling to find a date? It doesn’t mean it won’t happen for you, it’s just not for you at this time.

Maybe you thought you’d be a business owner by now, higher up on the corporate ladder, or at least in the job you hoped you would have when you were a kid. Just because it hasn’t happened doesn’t mean that it won’t. Things like marriage, having kids, or becoming a manager at your job can’t always be put on a timetable.

The reality is: I do get lonely. I sometimes feel overwhelmed at my job. I’m often trying to ‘get my life together.’ But ultimately, my life and my journey isn’t a bad one. It’s not a fairytale and probably never will be, but I have some fairytale moments. My life isn’t perfect. It’s not what I’d imagined it would be after 30, but nonetheless, it works for me.





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