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Before I married my husband, I rarely concerned myself with the financial affairs of men that I dated. Sure I paid attention to if they seemed to always have money, or always seemed to be broke, but other than that, I never questioned them on how much money they made or what their credit score was. However once my husband and I moved in together, finances and how we’d manager our money together was the number one topic of discussion. After all, sharing space meant sharing bills, and I quickly discovered that he and I had very different attitudes when it came to money. He’s a spender, I’m a saver. Once we figured that out, we quickly came to the conclusion that I would control all the money, and he’s fine with that. However in order for me to come up with a budget and savings plan, we had to come clean about our income, our debt, our expenses and our plan for our financial future.

Not everyone is completely comfortable discussing, or disclosing, their financial status with their partner. Just like anything else, when you first meet someone, you want to put your best foot forward and have them think you have it all together. Therefore some people hide their addiction, their fetishes, their vices…and yes, their finances from their significant other. It’s called financial infidelity, and just like emotional or physical infidelity, it can ruin a relationship. If you’re not sure if your partner is being financially unfaithful, or you’re not sure if it’s too early to have “the talk” about money, there are a few things to look out for that may have you raise an eyebrow when it comes to your man and his money.

First, if he’s not open to discussing finances with you, consider that a red flag. Now if it’s your first date, then it’s too early to be all up in the man’s wallet. But if you both are in a serious relationship and considering moving in together or getting married, then having a discussion about finances is not just suggested, but imperative. How you two co-exist financially outside of the lovey dovey, rose-colored glasses will determine if you can actually stay together. Considering one of the number one things couples argue about is money, if your man won’t even broach the subject of money with you, then he may not be the partner you’re looking to settle down with.

Another sign that your man may be hiding things from you is if he’s always borrowing money – from you or anyone else. If he’s unemployed, then  you understand why. If he has a job but never seems to have enough money to make ends meet, either he’s living above his means and over spending, or he’s mishandling his money in some other way that should give you pause. A man who never has any cash for simple things like gas, a modest meal, or a metro card is not one you want to keep around – mainly because he’ll suck you dry. He will never repay you and he probably feels he doesn’t have to if you are in a relationship. He may not actually even be broke, he probably just wants to spend YOUR money. Either way, a man who can’t take care of himself certainly can’t take care of you or assist in building a future for you both – so it may be time to reconsider the relationship.

Lastly – and this is probably the most obvious sign that your man is financially unfaithful – you’ve caught him in a lie regarding his financial situation. Whether he lied about how much money he makes, how much credit card debt he has or how much he spends on electronics, a person who will lie to you about their financial state when trying to build a future with you will probably lie about other major issues as well. Did you discover a secret savings account that you knew nothing about? Do new clothes always seem to appear in his closet, even though you never see him shop, bring in bags from the car or any tags lying around? Did you discover that you two can’t buy a house because he had a bankruptcy he never told you about? These are all things you need to pay attention to when considering a life partner. Unless you’re independently wealthy where his money doesn’t matter, then you can turn a blind eye to all the aforementioned signs of financial infidelity. But if you live in the real world where disagreements over money are a precursor to divorce, then do yourself a favor and find out what’s in his wallet – BEFORE you walk down that aisle.

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