“SMILE! You Too Pretty Not To”: 10 Creepy Dudes You Run Into On The Street In The Summertime…

July 31, 2014  |  
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I don’t know how else to say it, but men must learn that most women aren’t trying to make a love (or lust) connection on the street on the way to work. No matter how nice you think you’re being, unless you’re telling her she dropped something, a woman rushing on her way to mind her business is not trying to give you her number, nor hear what the hell you have to say. Street harassment is a mother everywhere, but it’s especially jarring in New York City. Depending where you live, someone is always standing outside or around, staring at your body and yelling in your ear. While this happens in rain, sleet or snow, summertime is the livest time, because you’ve chosen to ditch the boots and sweaters for maxi dresses and tight skirts. But who am I kidding? You could have on a full sweatsuit and someone would have something to say! So here are a few examples of men I’m sure you’ve run into on the streets at one time or another. Keep hope alive ladies…

Note: There are many good men out there who are respectful of the womenfolks, but for the many others who aren’t, this one’s for you…

The “SMILE!” Guy

“Smile! You’re too pretty to be frowning!”

“Pick your head up beautiful!”

I’m sure you’ve heard one or both of these things while minding your business on the sidewalk. Funny thing is, half the time you’re not even really upset about anything, you, just like any other human being, just don’t feel the need to smile like a damn ventriloquist dummy 24 hours a day. But because you’re a woman, and you’re alive to be a pleasant image for a man (you know, women ARE supposed to smile to make themselves more attractive…), here comes a complete stranger telling you what to do with your face…

The Creepy Older Man

This might be the worst one for me. Sorry, but I don’t want a man my father’s age standing around gawking at my legs and saying, “Mmmm, you sholl got some nice legs!” (Note: this has actually happened) There might be some women out here looking for sugar daddies, but most of us want you to know, no need to apply, we don’t want what you’ve got, gramps.

The Touchy-Feely Fool

It should be pretty simple, but at many outdoor concerts and festivals, I catch quite a few men trying to get the attention of a woman by grabbing her or touching her bottom. They won’t open their mouth and say “hey,” but rather, they reach out for the place right before your elbow and get all in your personal space. Just as you wouldn’t want a strange man with hot breath getting all touchy feely with you men of the world, the ladies don’t either.

The Uncomfortable Starer

He’s watching you on the train, on the street, when he’s supposed to be working construction, and you feel his eyes burning into your skin. It’s the weirdest thing, and I literally had to yell at an older man earlier this month who wouldn’t look the hell away while I waited for the subway. We all meet eyes on accident, but if you’re staring at someone for more than five seconds, and it’s not because you want to say, “You are rocking that hair!” or “Those shoes are fly!” or “I love your shirt!” then you’ve reached full creep status.

The Car Pooling Creep

One time while riding my bike in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, a man pulled up next to me and said, “Hey beautiful! Can I give you a ride?” Thinking that he was trying to be silly and would pull away, I laughed and said “No thanks!”

But then he just kept following alongside me as I rode through the bike lane…really sir?

From that kind of guy, to the one who yells from the passenger side of his man’s car, let’s please cease with all the drive-by flirting.

The Thirsty Dude Looking For Your Number, Or Any Number At That

He hasn’t known you more than a few seconds and yet he’s trying to get your number. He’s basically throwing a dart at a wall trying to see what will stick, and you my dear, are the wall. And if you do make the poor decision to give a stranger your number after talking to him for less than a minute, be prepared for questions about smoking weed, having fun (which equals sex) and other very mind-numbing dialogue that will make you want to hit “block.”

The One Who Makes You Feel Like A Piece Of Meat

You know the one. He makes noises while staring at your backside as you walk down the street. He makes comments about your legs and your chest. Hell, you might come across the “You got some pretty feet” fella too. Unless you’re talking about how much you love a woman’s hair, any other comments about anything below the neck (or make that below the lips really) probably won’t be received well.

The Following Fool

Could be following you in a car, in the grocery store, or on the sidewalk trying to get your attention while you try to speed walk home, but whoever this guy is, he’s being less charming and more predatory than anything else. Sorry sir, you’re not seducing anyone–more like scaring a sistah.

The Club/Lounge Creep

You dance with him one time and he won’t move along. Or worse, you don’t want to dance with him, and he tries to diss you and ask you why you came out the house in the first place if you dare not to let him rub all up on you from behind. Sir, please move along…

The Angry Loser

He’s the one who yells at you because you’ve decided to rebuff his advances: “Well f**k you then b***h!”

But you weren’t just saying that a second ago when you were trying to holler at a sistah…This type of man gets all into his feelings when you don’t stroke his ego, so if you say “no” or don’t say anything to them at all after they spit their worst game (“Yo! Let me talk to you real quick!”), then be prepared to be told that you’re ugly anyway, they were trying to do you a favor, and “That’s why your pu**y stinks!”

Like a school in the summertime, ya’ll…


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