We Bring Maternal Instincts To Our Romances : Claudette Ortiz On Why Women Stay In Bad Relationships

July 30, 2014  |  

R&B Diva and former City High singer Claudette Ortiz has had her fair share of relationship struggles. From the men she dated in her music group, to the sexual assault she detailed on the Divalogues and the domestic violence she’s endured, it’s clear that she’s seen quite a bit and hopefully learned from it. During the weekend of the Espys, The Jasmine Brand asked Ortiz what was the most valuable lesson she’s learned from her relationships and she had some interesting thoughts on why women tend to stay in relationships long after they know they won’t work out. See what she had to say below.

The Jasmine Brand : What was the most important thing you’ve learned from your relationships?

Claudette: Taking your time and knowing your worth.


TJB: How long did it take you to know your worth and keeping relearning your worth?

Claudette: It was a long journey. It took some time. I didn’t have a daddy to tell me he loved me and that I’m beautiful, and a lot of young women don’t have that and we’ll tend to not know our worth and think that a man has to tell us [those things], to know our worth, so it took some time, but thank the Lord.


TJB: When does a woman know it’s time to leave a relationship? 

Claudette: A woman knows when its time, its just when she chooses to leave.


TJB: So you think most women know before they actually have the courage and strength to do it?

Claudette: Yeah, and we see signs too. We see signs before it happens, but we think we can change somebody sometimes. I believe that because we’re made to birth children, we’re also made to see the potential in people, because we’re made to see that potential in our children, and cultivate it so we can raise them to be the best human beings they can be. Sometimes we see the potential in a man and think we can cultivate it, when maybe its for the next person [to cultivate].


I found that so interesting. I’ve heard countless discussion about women dating men with potential but rarely heard anyone try to theorize on why that might be the case. Claudette’s theory about our maternal instincts seeping into our romantic interactions doesn’t seem too far fetched to me. What do you all think, is trying to cultivate a man–similar to the ways in which we cultivate children– one of  the reasons why women continue to date and stay with men they shouldn’t?

Have you ever found yourself staying in a relationship because you were waiting for a man to realize his potential or you felt like you were the one who could bring it out of him?


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