Are We Setting Our Daughters Up to Be Single Mothers?
On Tuesday, the beautiful Nia Long was a guest host on The View. Long, 40, discussed the difficulty of being a single mother and her desire for a husband. She mentioned bypassing marriage during her twenties and having a child in her thirties because it simply “…was time;” and, it was O.K. because that is how she was raised…by a single mom.
This type of situation is all too familiar to modern black women, over two-thirds of who having been raised by single mothers. Mothers who likely had them at young ages and encouraged one of two things: career or grandbabies. Both extremes that have contributed to the epidemic of illegitimate children conceived in the black community. Career-driven women with no balance are validated by their education and designer handbags. Cold, guarded, callous, they don’t need a man because they have diplomas. Mama took so much from men that she raised her daughter to be a witch. By the time they realize an M.B.A. is not going to keep them warm at night, their 40th birthday is around the corner and the reproductive clock is winding down. As a result, we have financially stable women who simply decide to make themselves mothers by way of sperm donation or boyfriend, adding yet another child to the 72 percent population of black children who are born out of wedlock.
Then, there are the girls who are brought up to be sexual doormats, hoping to find love in all of the wrong penises. Gullible, uneducated and misinformed, they use condoms sparingly and end up unaccomplished with one or more baby daddies by the age of 20. The absence of scholarly, social and professional achievements often eats away at their self-esteem, dragging them down the same subconsciously self-loathing paths as their mothers…mothers who were either jealous or just did not know or want any better.
Unfortunately, girls who grow up in fatherless households are not privy to the inner workings of marital relationships. Even with a father in the picture, living outside of the home uncommitted to the mother is not the same. Single mothers have the responsibility of maintaining the balance that men bring to a household. It can be difficult; but, no one wants to marry a witch nor do they want to marry the girl who has had sex with every guy in the world. Therefore, it is important to stress the consequences of premarital sex while also providing honest advice on healthy dating relationships. They should have high expectations without expecting perfection and always remain open to love. This means mothers have to overcome personal bitterness and resentment towards men and set the solid examples of various type of male/female interaction.
Otherwise, their daughters are bound to end up single mothers, too.
Want to know more about LaShaun Williams? Follow her on Twitter @itsmelashaun.