Women are natural born nurturers and givers. Many of us give our time, talents, finances, heart and soul to people in our lives quite easily. Some may argue that many women give too much or too little, but when it comes down to it, hands down, women will give their first and their last for people they care about. But what happens when you give too much to a person, particularly a man, and he’s not making a good enough effort to reciprocate? And what happens when yet and still, as a giving woman, you continue to go above and beyond for him? Ladies, why do we do this? And what are the signs that we’re giving too much and need to rethink what we’re doing?
To answer the first question, we do things like this for one of two reasons; One reason is because we genuinely want to see the person we’re involved with happy. On the other hand, many of us go out of our way because our motive is to ‘secure’ a relationship with this man. While giving to someone should be done out of a sincere want to give, the truth of the matter is that some people have selfish motives for their giving. But even when you give too much for the wrong reasons, including to get what you want in the long run, you can still find yourself overwhelmed.
So what are the signs that you’re doing too much for a man who won’t reciprocate?
1. He acts as if what you often do isn’t special, and he behaves this way because he has no intentions of going out of his way for you, as you do for him. Some things you do for your mate may not be new to him, but it’s the thought that counts and he should appreciate it.
2. He allows you to pay for things for him all the time simply because he knows you will. Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to treat your mate; to buy him nice things and wine and dine him from time to time, but not all the time. And if you ask me, a real man won’t let you do such things.
3. If and when you ask him the magic question of “Where is our relationship going?” he avoids giving you a direct answer and suggests that things are fine just the way they are.
So how do we stop overextending ourselves when it comes to our generosity? I have a few ideas.
When the signs appear that you’re being taken for granted, take heed and don’t ignore them. Why? Because they can save you lots of time, future heartache, and in some cases, money.
Next, in anything you do, have no regrets about it whether you get the outcome you expected or not. You’re the one in control of what you do, not him.
Be mindful of your motives and ask yourself why you’re truly giving and doing for this man. If your motives aren’t pure and genuinely centered around the other person’s needs, then take a few steps back before you fall too far into a bad situation.
Be clear about your expectations and make things clear to him. This way, you are clear with your mate and you both will know where the buck stops.
Lastly, set boundaries for yourself by not being at his every beck and call. You may be Superwoman in your world, but you’re not Captain Save a …. I think you get the point.
There is nothing wrong with giving to the one you love or truly care for, but if you feel as though you’re giving too much and you’re being taken advantage of, then reevaluate your situation and figure out what’s best for you. Being on the giving end of a situation is as much of a blessing as it is to be on the receiving end, but you have to draw the line for yourself before you have nothing left to give.
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.