Being direct can be a little intimidating for a person who might want or need something. I remember one time in particular when I was in high school (sorry Mom and Dad)…
When my parents were still married (they divorced about two years ago), they had a house built and after about ten years, my mother was regretting getting their bathroom carpeted. So, she hinted to my father that she wanted a marble floor.
I remember for about a month or two, she would come home, go into their room, go into their ensuite and her face would fall. The pep that she had walking into the room was gone, and she just seemed slightly annoyed.
One day I finally asked her what was wrong and she said: “I thought I would come home and your father would have had the floor done for me.”
Confused, I asked my father why he never got the flooring fixed for her, his answer was: “She never asked me.”
I always wondered how he didn’t pick up on the message, until I myself realized that I succumbed to missing on my mother’s hints for oh so many things.
No one wants to disappoint people, especially important family members, so I learned that whenever I want something that’s important to me, I need to be as straight forward as possible.
I thought that hinting was a trait that was uniquely my mother, but once I started being direct with things that I wanted, I realized I was more a minority than I’d hoped.
There are some people in life who are sitting here, reading this article, who are disappointed about something in their life because they didn’t speak up. You dropped hints, and had conversations about what you wanted, but didn’t actually ask for it.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret… that’s a very unfulfilled life that you’re living. The sad thing is, most people aren’t as intuitive as we think and hope they are. Some people are only half listening when we speak, so our hints go over their heads.
But may I implore you to… just ask. When there’s something that you want, something that you feel is important to you, it should be important enough to ask for.
We might feel as though our needs should be important to other people, but human beings are inherently self centered, and we’re programmed to think “me first.” That’s why we can miss clues, and hints, and end up seeming extremely insensitive or selfish.
On top of that, there are some people who get annoyed by the hinting and they know what you want, but they won’t do it unless you ask for it. How do I know? Because I can be like that sometimes. I can get incredibly annoyed when people in my life will spend so much energy hinting about something, and I’m thinking in my head: “If you just don’t say what you want… geez lou-freakin’-ouise!”
At the end of the day, most of us are adults, and we should feel comfortable enough being direct with things that we want. Whether it’s a marble bathroom floor, a friend to stop gossiping, or a raise. Remember, closed mouths don’t get fed, and more times than not, hinting will just leave you disappointed.
My father finally got the floor re-done in their bathroom after my mother directly told him that she wanted it. The same thing can be said for all the things you want in your life. You have more power to make things happen for yourself than you realize. Sometimes all you have to do is ask for them.
You know there’s a thing called Twitter, right? Well, Kendra Koger is on it @kkoger… you know, if you decided to check it out. Whatever…(hint hint) 😉