When two people come together and decide to embark upon a relationship, it can be a beautiful thing–or a total disaster. Why you ask? Because while the general idea of a love affair is for two people to have one relationship, the ones involved may not be on one accord with each other, meaning, one person may want the relationship to revolve solely around them. You know the type. They want all dates to be where they choose, they always want you to be available every time they call, and then they get an attitude when you don’t pick up! What some self-absorbed people fail to realize is that when you’re involved with someone, things can’t always be about you. Relationships, love affairs, friendships and even casual sexual encounters are about compromise. You have to give and take in order for things to work effectively with the one you’re with, if you plan to stay with them. But hey, if you don’t plan on it, then continue to play the selfish role (*insert sarcasm here*). In many cases though, men and women don’t realize that they’re being self-centered because it’s their normal behavior, and by the time they realize how they’ve been acting, it’s too late. How can you tell if you’re selfish when you’re in a relationship? Ask yourself these questions:
1. Do I always want things to go my way?
2. When things don’t go as I’ve planned, do I become extremely upset, or do I react in a mature way?
3. Do I expect my mate to return my phone calls and/or texts within five minutes or less, but I can call or text whenever I want and expect them to be okay with it?
4. Do I expect my mate to wine and dine me all the time?
5. Do I expect my mate to drop everything they are doing to meet my needs?
If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, chances are, you’re a relationship brat! If you’ve just discovered that you can be selfish with your mate, here are a few ways you can turn things around:
Learn the art of compromise. This is something that many people know is required to make a relationship work, but fail to practice it. Compromising can be an easy thing to do if you’re genuinely interested in making your mate happy, because if your mate is happy, you will be too. Learn to give and take on an even playing field, but if you find that you’re giving more than you’re getting, take a few steps back and allow your boyfriend to step their game up or watch you walk away.
Don’t expect to get what you don’t want to give – enough said. Understand that your mate has a life outside of you and remember that you have – or should have – a life too. While we all want to be the apple of our mate’s eyes and be first in their lives, the reality is often that we’re not. Does this mean that we should not be a priority in our partner’s lives and that we don’t deserve quality time and attention? Not at all, but it is to say that you must understand that your mate’s world does not revolve around you.
Understand that in order for the relationship to work for the both of you, you must meet each other in the middle to get to the end goal, whatever that goal may be.
Any form of a relationship takes diligence and work on behalf of both parties involved for everyone to be happy. And no matter how fabulous you believe you are, if you are in a relationship, things are not and cannot be all about you. So, are you selfish in your relationships?
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin