Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Because I’m A Big Girl, Men Only Want Me For Sex

May 28, 2014  |  

Dear Damon,

I’m 22 have one kid and have not had any luck with relationships period…. I guess because I’m a big girl guys think I’m insecure and only want me for sex. How can I get people to notice more than just my size and look at my inner beauty?

Sincerely, 

Big and Beautiful 

Dear Big and Beautiful,You’re 22 years old. Which is the same age as one of my nieces. And, since you’re the same age of my niece, I’m going to say the same things I’d say to her if she asked me this question. My replies might be a little blunt, but that’s what uncles — or, in this case, people old enough to be your aunts or uncles — are for. 1. You’re 22. Like 10% of people on the planet have great relationship luck at 22. The rest of us were/are somewhere between “eh, I guess” and “blah.” To young people who aren’t getting what they want out of their relationship lives, it may seem like everyone else is having the time of their lives except for them. But, that’s not the case. Your situation isn’t unique. It’s actually more common than the opposite. I’m not saying this to minimize your feelings. Just to provide some perspective on how things are in the rest of the world, not just yours. 2. You can not make people see what they want to see when they see you. As unfair as this may be, it’s a fact of life. Thing is…you don’t want life to be that way either. Of course you want people to recognize your inner beauty. But that recognition would be incomplete, because the “outer” part is part of you too. What you really want is for someone to recognize and appreciate both. I won’t lie and say that a big girl with a child is going to get as much male attention as a Beyonce or Rihanna doppelganger. But that doesn’t matter. Attention from the opposite sex is great. But, do you know what’s even better? Finding the one person who loves and appreciates you for who you are. My advice? Keep doing the things you enjoy doing — the stuff that puts a smile on your face and enriches your life. And do them more. The more fun you’re having with life, the more it looks like you’re living instead of waiting,the more people are going to want to be around you. And, the more people in your sphere of influence who are drawn to you, the better chance you have of meeting that one who wants to be with you. Sincerely, Damon Young

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com. 

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