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For one reason or another, exes tend to be a touchy subject in relationships. Whether it’s the potential for exes to show up again, an inkling a person can be swayed by their sex, or someone who seemingly hasn’t gotten over the hurt caused by an ex, people in relationships generally don’t want to hear about their partner’s past. The last topic, refusing to overcome the hurt caused by an ex, serves as the thesis for today’s post with Teyana Taylor and Torrei Hart being the catalysts. I’ll start by fleshing out the differences between how both have handled their exes and, later, discuss how talking about the hurt an ex caused isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Teyana Taylor, as far as I can tell, has an intriguing argument for how she’s handling her situation. For starters, it seems that she was caught off guard, not only by her ex but by whom her ex is now dating. In addition to having to deal with the betrayal of her fiance, she also had to deal with the embarrassment of her ex-fiance being with someone she once considered a close friend. Also of note, her break-up was fairly recent (at least in a public sense). I don’t have too much to say about how she’s handling it because her actions seem apropos for the time period and her age group. She’s being asked about it and letting her feelings be known, making a song or two, and taking a few shots on social media. All seems to be par for the course, especially for her generation and their incessant need to play things out for the entire world to see.

Torrei Hart, however, is on the other end of the spectrum. I’ve been a bit more privy to how she’s been handling the relationship fallout between herself and Kevin Hart and I, more often than not, find myself disgusted. After hearing (what I’m assuming is) both sides of the story (Torrei via this site, Kevin via Twitter), I can say  Torrei is handling this in a manner that doesn’t necessarily garner respect. It’s one thing to be a young woman who lost both a friendship and a fiance in quick succession. It’s quite another to be divorced from a man and discussing the in and outs of a marriage that’s been over for quite some time as if it happened last week. To be perfectly honest, Torrei Hart has been grating my nerves with her seemingly daily expositions of how she’s done so much for Kevin Hart and he left her. Granted, I could understand if he somehow did not repay his debt, or left her high and dry with the kids, but from what he’s said, he’s been a great father and has been paying $20,000 a month in child support. In my mind, she needs to fall back and accept her “L.” She has a new boyfriend, a family to take care of, and a top 5% in salary in the form of child support payments.

Discussing the past hurts an ex caused, like most things, is all about how one does it. For example, if you’re trying to explain to the person you’re dating why something bothers you and you use a past hurt to further contextualize the point, I don’t see anything wrong with that. If you bring up an ex everytime you have a problem with your current relationship, that’s a decidedly different beast. I’m of the mind every relationship can provide a lesson to take into your next relationship. If a person is simply sharing that lesson or how they’ve grown from it with their current spouse, then I can rock witih that. What I can’t rock with is a Torrei Hart situation. A situation where the woman is constantly complaining and lambasting her ex simply because she has the opportunity to do so. It’s unattractive. Also something to consider, is the freshness of the break up. If I were dating Teyana Taylor at this moment, I’d expect for there to still be some residual leftover hurt I would have to work through. If I was dating Torrei Hart and she was keeping up this charade on various online magazines, I’d have a serious problem with her behavior.

In any event, I don’t have a problem with a woman discussing her ex so long as there is a purpose that proves to be a valuable one. I have no patientence for constant ex-bashing and I’m not in the mood to listen to every single rehashed story of how you were done wrong or hurt, or dissed, or made to feel inferior or blah blah blah. I don’t have time for pity parties. If the hurt is fresh, I can understand the issue. If the hurt is an old wound that you  keep digging into, I’m hardly as patient.

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