Reset Your Personal Life: Why Friends Change With Motherhood

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Welcome to our column, Reset. Written by Karen Taylor Bass, this column, published each Tuesday, is about life lessons learned and mastered mentally, spiritually, and physically and how they contribute to a successful life and career.

As I get older, I sincerely believe more and more the old adage that everything and everyone has a season. Nothing underscores that more than motherhood and friendship.

Six years ago, I had a falling out with a dear friend and it hurt like a man stole my money and left me for dead. It was hard to comprehend the end of a friendship – a season; all I knew was my heart was broken. My bestie and I had shared everything until I became a mom. We exchanged heated words about my new found flaky behavior when it came to hanging out: hurtful things said, and at that moment I felt like I would never get over the loss of my friendship. Guess what? I did.

Friendships change simply because your needs have changed – it’s not your fault, just life.  When a mom talks about fatigue, lack of sex, career drama and shuttling kids back and forth to swim meets, moms get it (instantly). As a mom, you understand that when you make plans to hang out with your girlfriends, the likelihood of that happening is slim to none because of the variables. Babysitting, stomachache, fatigue, and car problems. And if you’ve got a side gig going, or if you’re still trying to climb that professional ladder even with all of your family responsibilities, there are just never enough hours in the day. You become that person who pops up on the Facebook newsfeed once in a while to many of the people you used to hang out with regularly. Friends without children can be judgmental and classify you as flaky because they don’t understand that “your” schedule is no longer that.

This past Saturday, I went to the movies with my Mocha Moms, a support group for mothers of color. It was just moms, savoring a few hours of leaving the house and being called by our first names – “Karen,” “Khadija,” “Shannon,” “Christine,” “Cheryl” and “Diane” – simply a person and not so and so mom.

The days of having a carefree schedule is simply a notion for now; life is filled with the PTA, after-school activities, life issues, and the ultimate hustle to get some “me” time. Although friends will change with motherhood, having a supportive group of mothers and sisters (now) that understand authentically the chaotic world of motherhood from the joy, drama, stress, love, struggle, reinvention and excitement is pure bliss.

Motherhood Reset: Remember, your friendships will change with motherhood, however, it does get better when you find the right circle that fits like a good bra.

How have your friendships changed with motherhood?

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