The Cynthia Bailey Complex And How To Counteract It

May 28, 2014  |  

 

 

I know, you’re exhausted, right?  You’re thinking:  “Another RHOA article?”  Well, just read me out and we’ll see if we can get through this together, deal?  All right!

Beyond the hair pulling, and blame dodging, I zoned in on the deterioration of the friendship between Nene Leakes and Cynthia Bailey.  Most people were quick to cast blame, but I couldn’t pick a side.  I could see where both parties had been wrong.  Nene’s seemed glaringly obvious and Cynthia’s fault seemed more covert. I understand those dynamics.  The reason is because I’ve been in Cynthia’s shoes in the past, and when I was in her shoes, I was the reason for one of the most important friendships that I had ending for seven years.

Zoe* and I became best friends our freshman year of high school.  Through that time, we were inseparable and she was a strong force in my life.  She encouraged me when I needed it, and was there through very rough times.  At the same time, I was there for her as well.  Our personalities complimented each other, because she was very outspoken, and stubborn and I’m very accommodating and  “go-with-the-flow”ish.

These traits in our personalities went well with our life choices when she went into the Marines after high school and I went to college.  Even through that separation, we were still incredibly close, and when I needed a ride home one year because my family couldn’t make the drive, she picked me up after a weekend of PT and drove me home.

Though we were both important to each other, that didn’t stop the fact that we would occasionally get on each other’s nerves.  Zoe would speak up and let me know how she felt.  I, on the other hand, would hold everything in.  Even after she asked me about it, I would shake my head and say:  “I’m fine,” even if I wasn’t.

So after years of sailing on a tepid surface, a storm was raging for both of us beneath the water’s crest.

The ish hit the fan when I couldn’t make it to her wedding (I was the maid of honor… I know, I’m horrible!  I told her about a month before, but it was still a crappy thing.)

She was upset at me (and rightfully so) for not being able to be there for her.  As much as it was painful, I accepted it and took blame for it.  But then we had a very unfortunate email incident that happened due to an email forward chain, and I became upset about years of multiple incidents that piled on, and on that I felt like I had put up with.  But when I couldn’t make it for her this one time she couldn’t understand how my circumstances wouldn’t allow me to make it.  Then, there was nothing.

Seven years of silence erased nine years of friendship.  However, one day, we reconnected and finally had the conversation that we should have had all those years ago.  We put everything on the table and were finally able to be completely open and honest.

We’re slowly rebuilding things back, and I did learn some important things.

No matter how uncomfortable confronting someone can be when they hurt you, it’s better to do so when it happens.  That’s what was missing from Cynthia’s confrontation with Nene.  Like Nene said, they’d spent time with each other after “Bitchgate,” but what Nene didn’t realize was that Cynthia was probably reliving that moment and many others like that mentally.  It was bubbling, and stewing, and when she re-watched that episode, that’s when she finally boiled over because she never fully addressed that hurt and any past ones from their friendship.

So if you don’ t learn anything else from this situation, learn that:

1. Obsessing over past incidents aren’t helping you out, they’re only hurting you and that relationship.  Learn to either address it then or let it go.

2.  Learn to live in the present, because dwelling in the past is going to hinder your progress with that person.

3.  Confrontation might be unpleasant, but the eventual blow up that happens because you were stewing will end a friendship faster than if you were honest with your pain when it happened.

And finally:

4.  For God sakes, if you’re someone’s bridesmaid, go to the wedding!

Now you know, and knowledge is power!

 

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