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A long time ago, I had an older guy friend who showed me the ropes once I arrived on the college campus scene. I attribute a lot of what I learned about courting women and how to keep women happy to this friend. He didn’t give me the traditional knowledge, my dad always provided that for me, he gave me the real deal knowledge. You know, the stuff they can’t teach. Above all else, there are about three key lessons that he taught. All aren’t relevant at this time but the one that is most important today was this – the key to a great sex life is discretion.

I don’t think men understand how they look when they kiss and tell. They want to be the life of the party and tell the tall tales but they’re not realizing that when that scenario plays itself all the way out, he ends up looking short. I could tell you many sex tales but I won’t. I don’t care to give fodder for others to put two and two together and reveal who is the star of the tale. Men who make that mistake almost always remove themselves from being the co-star in a future tale.

The temptation comes from the need to be the center of attention. Almost as though men feel that they are validated by their sexual conquests. It’s silly. If you think about it, by simply saying nothing == and the assumption by others that “nothing” could not be the extent of your sexual conquests — it grows the tale much taller. It’s no secret that women love the mysterious and aren’t really intrigued by that which they already know or can easily research. I often tell men that no woman wants to be the story or the entertainment of a circle of men unless she’s a stripper. Think about that the next time you spill on your sex life. Sure there are funny stories here and there, something that may make the room laugh but giving out these stories is risky — and even more risky when people have to give out names and numbers. That’s an absolute no-no and actually grounds for suspension or expulsion. People should be able to decide if and when they want to identify themselves; they shouldn’t be forced. If Mimi wants everyone to know that’s her in the video because her name is in the title, so be it. However, your girlfriend should have a choice before you spill the beans on the details of you guys’ sex life.

That’s why when asked the question about how I view someone who decides to sit down and share the detailed information of his relationship, I can only say I view them less than I would if they didn’t. When Nick Cannon spouts off a few women that he was with before he married his now wife, Mariah Carey, I cringe a little. He goes from being a slightly annoying, but brilliant, business mind to just being a corn. And to be honest, I don’t want to sum up the meaning of him as a corn but I’m left with no choice. There aren’t many other ways he could have put his foot all the way in his mouth than when he shared that information. I don’t like it when my friends do it and I certainly wouldn’t like it for someone I don’t know on a personal level.

I would advise all that it will not change. Boys will be boys and chatter will continue. It may be in a locker room, GroupMe, email listserve or in an exclusive tell-all interview, but it will continue. Women should know that we are all adults and most times the things shared are things that adults do. (If it’s something you don’t want anyone to find out about then I’d recommend you assess why you are doing it in the first place. That’s neither here nor there.) Women should also know that when a man spills the beans it makes him look bad and you look good. Anyone with a remote idea of what maturity is about will know that and judge accordingly. Anyone without it, we’re not at all worried about.

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