7 Things Men Are Secretly Terrified Of In Relationships

April 21, 2014  |  
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Want to know what really terrifies men about relationships? It’s not always the stereotypical “having one sex partner for the rest of life” issue—even a man who is great at monogamy and ready to be emotionally open will still be afraid of these 7 things.


Having less guy’s nights

For many men, guy’s nights are their last attachment to a feeling of youth and carefreeness. It’s the one place they can act boisterous and say things that they can’t say anywhere else but need to say. Many guys fear that being in a serious relationship means losing these nights, and that part of themselves that lives within those nights.


What you can do

Consider those guys nights just as important as he does because they are important for your relationship! Nights away from you just make him miss you and want to come home to you, and they let him get out some of the inappropriate comments he might otherwise breakout around your dad or brother! Never talk about his guy’s nights in a patronizing way, or else you’ll immediately be seen as the enemy of his playful side.


Having to change their home

Some guys are extremely attached to having a 100% masculine home, and the idea of seeing pink blenders in the kitchen and decorative pillows on the couch makes them feel like they can’t breathe.

What you can do

If you’re dating a guy who is protective of his space and you’re moving in together, designate an area or room that is just yours, and go crazy with the self help books and decorative pillows in there. The truth is, masculine décor tends to fall on the more unisex, neutral side than feminine décor does. So, let him keep his leather couches and big screen—you probably like them too.

Having to get “permission” to do things

The moment a man feels he has to get clearance with you to go away for the weekend with friends or even just to go to a concert for a night, he feels the walls closing in around him. Men like to feel (as we all like to feel!) that their time is within their control.


What you can do

Be okay with going to things on your own and be selective when it comes to dragging your guy along. If he really wants to go to a concert with his friends but you two were meant to see a movie that night, keep in mind that movie will be playing for months and that concert is just happening that night. If you have a friend’s birthday to attend but she’s not that great of a friend, don’t drag your guy along when there was somewhere else he wanted to be.


Having to “communicate” about sex

So long as sex stays exciting, plenty of men don’t mind the idea of one partner for the majority of their life. But many men fear that sex with the same person will go stale, and that spicing things back up will require awkward, mechanical, tutorial-style conversations, that just aren’t spicy at all.

What you can do

Whenever possible, use your actions, not your words. Instead of asking him if he’d be comfortable with a naughty student-sexy teacher role-play, just show up to the bedroom with a spanking ruler and some thick rim glasses. Once you see how he reacts to beginner levels of new things, you can tell how far you can take it.

Saying “I love you” and not having it work out

For both men and women, saying “I love you” carries a lot of weigh. It means the beginning of moving in together, getting engaged, spending forever together…! Many men only say those words when they feel pretty certain they want to be with a woman forever, so saying those words can be terrifying.


What you can do

Have patience. If you really do want to spend forever with a man, waiting a year to hear the L word is nothing in the grand scheme of spending 60 years together. Just don’t pressure him. Because, believe me, no man fantasizes about spending forever with a woman who pressures him.


Being humiliated/disrespected

You’re not the only one afraid of having your partner flirting with someone else! When a man’s partner is openly inappropriate with another man in front of people, it’s not only internally painful for the man but it’s also humiliating!

What you can do

This one’s pretty simple—just think before you act! Maybe it’s time to stop dancing on tabletops at bars in a mini skirt once you’re in a committed relationship. And maybe it’s not the best idea to sit on your best male friend’s lap at a party, playing with his hair—even if you know it means nothing.

Dealing with emotional baggage

Nobody wants to clean up a mess they didn’t make. And men are terrified that once they get close to you, you’ll unleash the wrath that you’ve built up from every relationship in your life.

What you can do

Be sure you’re emotionally ready and cleared of baggage before getting into anything serious with somebody new. Because the truth is, it’s not fair for a man to deal with you screaming at him when he takes one hour to call you back, all because your past boyfriend was cheating on you.

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