“He Doesn’t Even Touch Me!” I Think My Fiancé Masturbates Too Much And I Am Insulted!

April 1, 2014  |  


From Essence 

Dear Abiola,

I have a masturbation problem, not mine but my man’s. I don’t feel that it’s normal for anyone in a long-term relationship to have the need to masturbate. But at least 3 times a week I would find my fiancé having a solo session in the bathroom. We have different sex drives. I am a once-a-weeker and he’s an every-dayer, but I feel like he should respect me enough to wait until I’m in the mood. Otherwise what’s the point of us being in love?

Every time I catch him, I freak out and we have a big fight. I find it very disrespectful and shameful. I know it sounds kind of crazy to think of it as cheating but I do feel sometimes like he’s cheating on my with himself. I have never touched myself and certainly would never feel the need to do so while I am in a relationship with someone else!

About four months ago we had a huge blowup about it because he doesn’t see what the big deal is. He even had the nerve to say that at least he wasn’t cheating. Since that time, any time I try to initiate anything with us it’s now an erectile dysfunction situation. But he’s still able to do his thing in the bathroom!!? I suggested Viagra but he said he doesn’t need that.

I am annoyed and insulted. I’m a sexy, hot woman. So you can’t get it going for me but you can for yourself? At this point I think he’s just sick and I’m really questioning the whole engagement. It’s not about the sex for me it’s the principle of the thing.

What should I do?


He’s Not Touching Me

Read Abiola’s response at Essence.com 

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