Not Every Person Who Smiles In Your Face Is A Friend, And 9 Other Lessons Learned From Blood Sweat And Heels

March 25, 2014  |  
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I’m not trying to stop anybody’s checks (make that money, honey), but is anybody else relieved that Blood Sweat and Heels went on break? I don’t know the status of a second season, but the first one, which only lasted from January until Sunday that just passed, was detrimental to my health. I would get so stressed and irritated by some of the behavior of the ladies that it was something I wound up catching on TV and not actually seeking out or watching regularly (I couldn’t even do the reunion, ya’ll). From the episodes I saw though, I was reminded of a lot of life lessons we’ve all probably heard from wise folks or just thought about after watching a crazy episode from this show. Here are just a few that came to mind with different scenarios that have gone on throughout the first season of this series.

Not Every Person Who Smiles In Your Face Is A Real Friend

Of course, the episode in the Hamptons and afterwards is a good example of this. Sure, Mica was a hot mess during this weekend trip, but then again, she had literally just lost her father. It’s hard to say how one should behave when going through that, especially when her relationship with her father was so tumultuous. While I did have a problem with her stumbling around in Brie’s family’s backyard, as stated before, I had a bigger problem with how Demetria, Geneva, and her supposed good friend, Brie, treated Mica during all of this. There was a lack of compassion even to what they knew was going on in this woman’s life (they knew her father was dying, even if they didn’t know he was dead), and more of an effort to keep up appearances than to help get a broken individual together. Mica should never have even thought that she could rely on those women during that vulnerable moment, because they’re just associates for cocktail time, not who you run to during a low moment in life. With that said, be careful who you let in your circle and confide in, because not everyone who listens to your problems really cares about them…or you.

If You Don’t Take Your Dreams Seriously, No One Else Will

In the case of Melyssa Ford, I think that she really does want to move forward from her days as a video girl. She seems very intelligent and thoughtful, however, what the hell was going on with her real estate hustle? The tight dresses, the sex talk while showing residences, the lack of connections made, and the fact that she had to be confronted by her boss in order to push her to work hard to sell apartments/homes at times made her seem like she was more talk than action. Of course, these struggles (and monetary ones too), had people bringing up her days as a video vixen again, including her social peers (aka, the cast). But if you’re not serious and “on your job” as they say, why should anybody believe you want to make a change? But good news! From what I could see in the season finale, she was finally stepping up the plate.

Own Up To Poor Behavior

I see that Mica is what keeps this show going, and despite her antics, I feel as though she’s genuinely being herself, but there is a time and a place for everything. Lifting your leg up in the air and showing your business to a room full of media folks during a friend’s event is a no no. Showing up to shindigs and having a loud confrontation with folks isn’t the best look either. I know that she went through a lot emotionally this season, but sometimes you have to “put on your big girl panties” as Iyanla says, and own your s**t. We all do. We might not always get to keep ourselves out of foolishness, but when we do act the fool, we have to own up to it and learn from it. Mica did do this when she apologized to Brie on the season finale about her behavior in the Hamptons.

Never Try To Reason With An Inebriated Person

With that said, we’re going back to the Hamptons! I don’t know why folks act like you can talk sense into someone who can barely stand. Sometimes it’s best to just get them a cup of coffee and a bed to lay in and call it a day until their good sense is restored. Yelling at them, and worse, egging them on with insults, is just going to make a crazy situation an ugly one…like having a skinny woman teetering on heels and fighting to pull open a screen door to cuss folks out. Let’s not be nasty, because I’m sure in our younger lives, many of us found ourselves shouting in our drunkeness out on the streets, or stumbling through a party embarrassing our friends. If you can’t comfort the inebriated person, at least leave them be (oh yeah, and keep them from falling in pools and what not).

Those In Glass Houses…

You know the rest.

Let’s not count other people’s coins and joke about whose checks are bouncing and cards are getting declined when we’re admitting on TV that we were just receiving financial help from our mothers and didn’t have to work real jobs for a majority of our lives. Not going to point fingers, but the shade at Melyssa’s finances from folks who just got a coin to hold on to was quite ridiculous.

Give People A Chance

You’re not going to love everyone, but before you read them for filth and trash them to everyone you know, you should give them a chance. For instance, weren’t Geneva and Demetria at each other’s throats in the first two episodes? Now they’re quite close (well, at least on TV). And from a viewer standpoint, in the beginning, there was something very annoying about Daisy. But in the end, she came off as someone with a fun spirit and a positive energy…who you need to deal with in doses. Too often we dismiss folks easily when they don’t make the most pristine first impressions, but sometimes we do so to genuinely good people.

If You Can’t Take It, Don’t Dish It

This one is for Geneva. As a drunken and defeated Mica prepared to exit from Brie’s shindig in the Hamptons to go back to Harlem, Geneva watched and threw an unnecessary dig her way: “Detox, honey, detox.” Mica turned back around and caused quite a scene, and during that scene, told Geneva that she looked like Wesley Snipes. After the show aired, this comment was something that would hurt Geneva, as she took it as a dig at her darker complexion. In my opinion, it was a very mean comment, just as calling out “detox” at Mica on her way out from the home of Brie’s parents was a mean comment, and they were both unnecessary. But if you can’t take the ugliness people dish out, it’s best to not shell it out yourself and expect to walk away clean.

Speak Up, No One Can Defend You Better Than YOU

As for Mica, I’ve found that she needs to do a better job of standing her ground. There have been too many occasions where she has been jumped on by her castmates and has found herself silent and very shaken (except when she has some wine in her system). And while she might want Melyssa and Daisy to be in her corner to jump in (hell, I thought there were times where they could have said something), she really is the only one who can stand up for herself. It’s cool to want to avoid confrontation, but we can’t let people run over us and then break down in tears every time it happens. She’s a strong woman and has been through a lot, she just needs to get her backbone straight and put folks in their place when it’s necessary.

When You’re Pissed, Please Tell People How You Feel

I’ve found that anger about past situations that aren’t hashed out quickly can bring about animosity that plays into other situations. Mica was dead wrong for her behavior at Geneva’s Uptown party, but instead of letting Mica know that, Geneva carried that animosity into the Hamptons, and that mess carried onward. When we don’t deal with the things that hurt us, we let that animosity carry over, and it turns our friends quickly into our enemies. Hey, maybe those friends weren’t meant to be around in the long run, but carrying anger for a person on and on when you don’t speak up isn’t healthy, especially when I’m sure that we would all hope for the same chance to hear and be heard if we are in the wrong and don’t know it.

Reality TV Is Not Good For Everybody’s Brand

From this show, to the short-lived Gossip Game, and hell, even R&B Divas, I’ve found that people with established careers and a following don’t really need to be on reality TV. Sometimes your fans (and in the case of K. Foxx, your bosses) don’t need to know everything about you. The mystery is good for your brand, and when the mystery is taken out and we see the pettiness, the cattiness, the judgmental way of doing things, it can be a turn off. I’m not going to point fingers or name names, but I wouldn’t be too giddy about returning to this show if I was any of these ladies…

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