The ‘New’ Single Moms Club: Should We Rethink The Criteria For Membership?

March 11, 2014  |  

Welcome to our new column, Reset. Written by Karen Taylor Bass, this column, published each Tuesday, is about life lessons learned and mastered mentally, spiritually, and physically and how they contribute to a successful life and career.

Tyler Perry’s The Single Moms Club opens in theaters this Friday and it is the perfect time to converse about whom exactly is in this so called “single moms club”? I would say all moms.

I know that traditionally a single mom is defined as a woman unmarried and caring for her child(ren) on her own. However, I’m married and my work schedule is more accommodating and, therefore, I feel like a single mom most days. I am the chief as it relates to planning, implementing, and nurturing our children, ages 6 and 14. I’m not saying my hubby is a deadbeat. Simply I’m the go-to parent in my household, which is not uncommon among married women.

Second, being in the “single moms club” is more than just financial status. Motherhood can be super challenging and lonely, even if your personal status is “married.”

Third, you also have the mom holding it down in a commuter family. A commuter family is when a parent lives and works in different towns or states. Children might live at home with one parent, while the other comes home between work periods.

I feel the definition of a single mom should be remixed with families working hard to survive. We can all be categorized as single moms at some point.

What does the ‘new’ single mom want? Real talk — We all want different things but share a common desire for adult time and the occasional date night; a chance to simply be free and unleash our feminine magic. Kweli Wright, Associate Editor at our sister site MommyNoire says, “Dating can be complicated but necessary. When a single mom goes out on a date it’s more than having an appetizer and an entrée. I’m thinking about how my suitor will interact with my daughter, his credit score, and, if he’s worth a second date. Dating for a single mom is trial and error. It takes patience, excellent listening skills and keen foresight to predict the possibility of a future [together].”

Astrid Pinto has a commuter family and she loves date night when her hubby is in town and they get a chance to reconnect, chat and enjoy a grown-up meal. “We take advantage of celebrating our marriage when my husband is home and that means staying in the moment when we are together once a month and not letting little things take over our time together,” says Pinto.

Let’s agree that although we love our children, it is necessary to carve out adult time. No one understands the importance of grown up companionship more than a mom when she has young children. My hubby and I went for drinks last weekend at a popular bar, laughed, danced, and had fun for a carefree, child-free moment. Priceless.

And when “single mom” really does mean no husband or boyfriend, no one understands you like another mom. Every now and again, gather round and toast, just like the stars of Tyler Perry’s latest.

RESET: Motherhood is a sisterhood. Connect with mothers and set up a community with great moms who have your back regardless of one’s marital status.

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