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From Single Black Male 

Black women are destined for a life of singledom. Haven’t you heard?

It’s been estimated that 42 percent of us haven’t married. That’s twice that of white women. Eeeekkkk!

And if we wanted to get married, 1 out of 12 of us wouldn’t, even if every black man in America married a black woman today.

While there are a myriad of reasons attributed to this bleak outlook (i.e. black men don’t make enough, aren’t tall enough, aren’t out of county jail long enough), one that is not often explored is girl code.

Girl code is that asinine set of rules that preclude a woman from dating a man. A friend woman I’ve spoken to twice in the last year dated had a few sexual encounters with over the course of the month a man five years ago; therefore, he’s off limits to me. Feeling pressured, women avoid pursuing relationships with men that have a past – and limited – history with friends of friends or even a close friend for sake of a code that leaves them desiring a relationship.

Why voluntarily sabotage a chance to have a meaningful relationship for the sake of a rule that is nothing more than a cockblock in disguise?

While I don’t advocate dating your friend’s ex-fiancé or baby daddy, everyone else has the potential to be fair game. Rules are meant to broken, and here’s when you should consider breaking the girl code:

1. The person is an acquaintance, not a friend.

Yes, there are levels to this sh*t. I often loathe quoting rappers, but if the shoe fits…wear it. There’s a difference between an acquaintance and a friend, and all too often we use the two interchangeably. Attending happy hours at the local bar and grille and discussing the latest episode of Love and Hip Hop qualifies one as an acquaintance. Eating Sunday dinner at one another’s home and helping plan one’s pending nuptials qualifies one as a friend. Therefore, if an acquaintance dated a man a few years ago or even a few months ago, you are perfectly well within your dating rights to also date this man. Allowing someone you have no depth of a relationship with to significantly impact your dating life is a missed opportunity if you truly desire to be in a serious relationship.

Read more about Girl Code at 

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