Stop ‘Being Mary Jane’ And Be A Good Date To Yourself

January 28, 2014  |  

Welcome to our new column, Reset. Written by Karen Taylor Bass, this column, published each Tuesday, is about life lessons learned and mastered mentally, spiritually, and physically and how they contribute to a successful life and career. 

Where my single ladies at? Raise your hands, be proud, and know that you are complete.  It seems that you can’t turn on the TV and not feel less than because you are man-less. When did we start to believe that having a man is the ultimate validation of success?

Just like you, I enjoy Single Ladies and Being Mary Jane. However it got me thinking that perhaps as women, the hunt for a man (or someone’s man) is so intense because we’ve been conditioned to believe that — just like water is essential to exist — a man is also.

I am married now, but 10 years ago I was not. The men in my life were unavailable; although their status said available on paper, they were not open to a relationship with me. I was not perceived as marriage material at the time. Iris Hoskins is currently engaged and in her ‘30s. She put her relationship on pause for three months and took the time to make certain she was complete before accepting the proposal. Could this be a new trend?

Getting to know yourself is a process and, unfortunately, can’t be cooked in a microwave. It took me years to master self-love, and it’s ongoing. I decided to date “me” like a rock star and experience the finer things in life with a smile when I was in my 30s. Getting dressed up for Karen. Sitting in a restaurant, sipping the best wine and savoring each bite of an entrée just because. Laughing aloud and talking at the screen like a crazy lady at the movies with a box of popcorn. Attending dinner parties and chatting to complete strangers to gain intel on relationships. And, yes, traveling to the Bahamas, soaking up sun all by my lonesome.  Can you say liberating?

My journey to celebrate me eventually became effortless and routine. I was in a season and started to meet amazing suitors ready to simply love me.  Fast forward – married 10 years now, jumped the broom at 37, and a mom to two spirited children. By pressing RESET, I attracted men who mirrored my zest for life, confidence, and love.

The lesson was to love my own company unequivocally; accept flaws, demand more from myself, be patient, exude confidence and ask for what I want with no apologies. Prior to taking the time to discover me, I was dating and hoping for my pseudo-relationships to complete me. No more.

Karen Taylor Bass, has pressed RESET, boldly living life now as an author, PR Expert, Brand Mom, corporate and small business coach and adviser. Follow her @thebrandnewmom on Twitter.

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