Perhaps by now you’ve seen this gray and pink graph circulating around Facebook. It’s a predicator of your perfect marriage date. Yes, you read that correctly. Time Inc, developed a widget, that predicts the best time for you to tie the knot. How could a widget know something so seemingly arbitrary, right? It’s silly. But then again, just too good to resist. So I had to click. Well, as the website explains, the number is determined solely by what your Facebook friends are doing, specifically when they’re getting married. It seems like a lot of my Facebook friends, people my age (I’m 26 by the way.) and younger have already taken the plunge and tied the knot. 30 out of 753 seemed like a lot to me for some reason. So I assumed my date would be rapidly approaching. But I couldn’t have anticipated the number that was going to show up on my screen.
According to this widget and the lives my “friends” are leading I had a day, a single day to get married. And y’all I looked at this graph on Wednesday. So instead of sitting here writing this article in the midst of a polar vortex, by now, I should have consummated my marriage and be sipping something fruity on the beach kicking off my week-long honeymoon. (On another note though, who gets married in February?!)
For a split second I thought ‘Man! Maybe I’m really behind.’ Maybe instead of sitting in my drawers scrolling through Facebook, I should be at some happy hour trying to snag a man. You know how they try to scare us with the ticking time bomb that is your biological clock. Can we just pause to acknowledge that the reason so many of us are in a rush to settle down and get married is more about the kids than the man himself? (Or maybe that’s just me.)
Anyway, after my slight panic, I remembered, while I would love to be married one day, with the kids and the mini van and all that, yesterday was certainly not that day. From where I stand right now, this time next year won’t be that day either. The thought of constantly worrying about someone else’s feelings exhausts me right now. Hearing my mother’s tales of how the skin on her nipples was raw from breast feeding me is cringe worthy to say the least and the thought that I might not be able to sleep when I want, because of the kids or the man, makes me want to shed very real thug tears.
And speaking of crying, as much as I’ve shed tears of sincere joy, watching my friends get engaged and then married and then announcing their pregnancies (darn those Facebook anniversary videos), I have to remain true to my own timeline. I’m not the type to plot, scheme and move heaven and earth to be with just any old man because that’s what 30 out of 753 people are doing right now. And as good as some of these online relationships look (some of them, I know, are a hot azz mess), I know it’s not my time yet.
We’ve learned we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. Iyanla told us “Comparison is an act of violence against the self.” She’s right. But watching the highlight reel of people’s lives on Facebook can make that indisputable fact, hard to remember. So hopefully this article serves as yet another reminder.
As ridiculous and quite useless as that online graph proved to be in the context of my real love life, it certainly helped to remind me that judging my life based on the milestones of others was a recipe for failure and discontent.
I know you want to know your marriage date right? Go ahead and find out here. And then let us know your results and whether or not you’re on track.