Do Better: 15 New Year’s Resolutions Celebrities Should Make

January 2, 2014  |  
14 of 15

Most of us are trying to do better in 2014 and we think famous folks should be no different. Here are 15 celebrity new year’s resolutions we wish would happen.

Dwayne Wade – Stop Being Sloppy

Perhaps Mr. Wade will stop being so sloppy in the new year, what with his recent engagement to Gabrielle Union and all. Eyebrows are still raised about this new baby popping up out of the blue, with conception conveniently around the time of his brief break with Gabs. Something’s not quite right, ya’ll. Plus, this comes on the cusp of his bitter six-year divorce battle with ex, Siohvaughn Funches. S-l-o-p-p-y.

Mariah Carey – Cover Those Tatas

It’s awesome that Mariah Carey has a super-toned bod after conceiving twins. No doubt she looks awesome for her age, but walking her dog in the dead of winter in a teeny weeny bikini is a bit much. Apparently it’s tradition to do just that in Aspen, where Carey was vacationing with her hubby and adorbable twins. It’s just not worth risking hypothermia. Cover up those tata’s once and for all, Carey. There is a such thing as being sexy without revealing too much — especially over 40.


Nene Leaks – Get Your Own Lingo

Please get your own slang to use instead of dipping into the gay black male lingo. Apparently, Nene Leaks gets her slang from the gay, black male culture. Give them their props or come up with your own sayings, Nene.

Kim Kardashian – No More Booty Shots On Instagram

Yes, you lost the baby weight. Truly, there was no reason for her not to, with the hordes of money she has to spend on celebrity personal trainers and chefs.  But we will need Kim to think about her baby, North. After all, she is a mom now. No more booty shots on Instagram, please.

Kanye West-  N0 Flipping Out On Paparazzi Or Interviewers

In the singsong words of Big Block, Sing Song – “Breathe out, breath in. Take some time. Count to 10.” Take some yoga classes, meditate daily like Tina Turner – but whatever you do – stop with the temper tantrums in 2014.

Miley Cyrus – No More Twerking

If ever there were a twerk rehabilitation center, Miley Cyrus would needs to admit herself for a long-term stay. Part of the therapy would be doing a series of squats and glute presses  to develop a bootie big enough to twerk with.

Rihanna- No More Sporting That Doobie Wrap Ever Again

You can’t rock a wrapped look, complete with diamond studded bobby pins. It will forever and always look like you are getting ready for bed. It took most sisters for a loop, as we associate this style with part of our bedtime ritual.

Stacey Dash – Stop Defending Republicans

We now completely understand why Stacey Dash was cast as Dionne in the movie Clueless. Actually, she did a good job in pulling herself back into the land of relevancy, only to get shot down for her very public endorsement of Mitt Romney.

Don Lemon – Just Stop Talking . . . Period

Most people have turned a deaf ear to Don Lemon, especially after he agreed with Bill O’ Reilly and his comments on the problems of the black community. Apparently, blacks suffer from the “gansta culture,” the “drug situation,” and the “disintegration of the black family.” MSNBC’s Goldie Taylor said it best in her tweet, where she referred to the host as a “turn coat mofo.” Do us all a favor, Lemon, and stop talking.

K. Michelle – Stop Updating Us On Your Hot Pocket

Last I checked, hot pockets were microwavable turnovers. K. Michelle needs to stop wearing outfits that show her camel toe. She claims it was the cut of her outfit, and that the picture on Instagram was photoshopped. In any event, it was too much that was revealed. Keep it concealed this year, K. Michelle.

Porsha Stewart – She’ll enroll In A Pan African Studies Course

In the words of Judge Judy, “beauty fades, but dumb is forever.” Hopefully, Porsha doesn’t think she will get by on her looks alone, especially after revealing how she thought the Underground Railroad was a real train. Yes, Porsha – it was a real train, with cozy seats for the runaway slaves to sit back and relax until they arrived to their much anticipated destination. She needs to enroll in a Pan African Studies course asap.

Lil’ Kim – Refrain From Getting Any More Plastic Surgery

Simply take a look at one of Lil’ Kim’s photos. Her face is frozen, plastic looking, and just down-right overdone. It seems that she’s trying to out-plastic surgery Mickey Rourke. Well, I think she won.

Justin Bieber- Grow Up

It’s time to act like an adult, Justin Bieber. Video of you sleeping in a Brazilian brothel, channeling your inner graffiti artist in Brazil, and assuming Ann Frank would be a belieber? How crude and irresponsible can you be? You best get your act together, Biebs.  Belieb that!

Alec Baldwin – Stop Being Rude

When you shout homophobic slurs at photogs, it may just lead to your MSNBC show being cancelled. There is a way to handle paparazzi and news reports with tact and grace. Let’s work on a cleaner image next year, shall we, Alec?

LisaRaye – Keep your two cents to yourself ’til it’s worth more

LisaRaye has become the queen of random rants about nothingness — make that hypocritical random rants. From trying to convince us that only wanting to date a billionaire doesn’t make one a goldigger and going off about reality TV stars — which she once was — LisaRaye is just saying a whole lot of nothing about nothing these days and it’s time to stop.


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