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As I perused my Facebook feed, a male friend posed this question for discussion: What is it about a man complaining about his girlfriend or wife that makes a woman be willing to cheat with him? At first I wasn’t sure what he meant, but he went on to say that when a man says he’s not happy in his current relationship or complains that his wife is nagging him, the woman he’s complaining to almost always seems willing to “comfort” him by being a better woman to him than his current partner.

Now, of course I didn’t think he should have painted all women with the broad stroke of one brush, but it did get me to thinking that there are a lot of women who hold the belief that if a woman was handling her business at home, her man wouldn’t be looking elsewhere. But what most men know and some women discover is that men seem to know exactly who to prey on when they want to cheat. They choose a woman with a sympathetic ear and shoulder to cry on who are more than willing to show him what a good woman she is in comparison to his current woman. It’s sad.

One woman who posted in the comment section labeled these women as “gender traitors,” meaning they hold no solidarity with other women when it comes to a man who is looking to cheat. Her position was that if more women told these men to kick rocks when they came around complaining about their women, or instructed them to work it out at home rather than “coming to his rescue,” less men would cheat. Hmm…I believe she has a point.

Now granted, I don’t think women should hold other women responsible for their cheating boyfriends or husbands or the demise of their relationships, but I can’t help but wonder that if more men would be faithful if more women said no to them. If there is always a woman willing to cheat, then they have no reason to change their behavior. But is that unrealistic?

It is believed that women are naturally competitive with each other – whether in the workplace, friendships or romantic situations. If the majority of women believe that there is a shortage of good men out there, the competition is even more serious. It’s survival of the fittest, so if one woman can or will do what another woman can’t or won’t, then it’s somehow the other woman’s fault for her own shortcomings when it comes to getting and keeping a man.

Also, women these days may not see getting involved with a taken man as immoral under the guise of being “sexually free.” If they feel they can separate sex from love, then messing around with your man may not be a big deal to them if they’re getting their needs met while not “catching feelings.” Of course, if you’re the girlfriend or wife, it won’t matter that she’s not actually trying to “steal” your man or that she’s not considering you while she’s getting her back cracked. To the other woman, you should be mad at your man, not her since she’s not the one in the committed relationship. And she would be right.

So that being said, are these so-called “gender traitors” the destroyers of relationships, or are we placing too much blame on women? Should we hold other women responsible for keeping our men faithful, or should we simply judge the man for any indiscretions? In my opinion, there really is no such thing as a “gender traitor,” just someone is who isn’t true to him or herself. Our life choices are about personal responsibility, not responsibility for anyone else’s actions. If each person, male or female, took personal responsibility for his or her actions with integrity and self respect, then perhaps this “problem” would take care of itself.

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