Ask A Very Smart Brotha: How Can I Get My Child’s Father To Marry Me?

December 20, 2013  |  
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Shelle: When dealing with a younger man, what are some things you should never bring up? I’m 37 my fiance’ is 25.

DY: You should be able to bring up anything. What’s the point of marrying someone if you have off limits topics with them?

Mia: What does a man need to be content?

DY: Depends on the man. Personally, all I need is some nice cooked food and some nice clean drawers.

Christy: If you’re frustrated and unhappy should you just leave or try and voice your feelings first?

DY: Depends on why you’re frustrated and unhappy. If a conversation can fix things, have the conversation. If not, well, there’s your answer.

Rudzani: How do I get back to my men after cheating on him? I really need him back.

DY: Pray.

Quae: How to deal with the problem that the man insists on taking care of the woman financially when she refuses to accept his financial aid?

DY: Sounds like a good problem to have. Anyway, if the woman continues to refuse, it’s a good idea to stop insisting. Also, why is the woman refusing? (And why is the man so adamant on helping her out?)

Akira: What do you do when you have been trying to be with one person for years & they didn’t want you, but now they’re chasing you & you don’t feel the same about them anymore?

DY: Continue to ignore him and see, date, and spend time with…other people.

Bobbie: I want my children’s father to marry me, but his upbringing doesn’t demonstrate that and he’s still working on being a consistent father. Should I just focus on raising the babies with him and just grow with that solely in mind or can I guide him towards where I’d like us to be?

DY: Can’t mold a grown man. Either he’s going to want to marry you or he won’t. But that’s on him, not you. Nothing you can do about that. In the mean time, just continue to make sure your child has a healthy and positive upbringing.

Nikki: When a man has the whole package, what causes him to not wanna settle down… still mess with “hoes.” lets just be real what can a woman do to get a man to settle down with her?

DY: Think about it from his perspective: If he has all these things going for him–as you say he does–what incentive does he have to settle down?

Latoya: How can a guy claim he loves you and always thinks about you but he works all the time, you guys barely talk and haven’t seen each other in months?

DY: He could be telling the truth. But, if he’s thinking about you and not seeing you, “love” definitely isn’t enough of a reason for you to stay with him.

Chrysten: When a woman puts her feelings out there, how long should we wait for it to be addressed with our person of interest before we move on?

DY: If a woman shares that she likes a man and hears crickets in return, there should be no “waiting.” A lack of an answer is an answer.

NuNu: Can a man love his main chick and love his side chick more than the main chick?

DY: Yes. It’s possible. “Love” isn’t a reason for the “main chick” to stay though. All the love in the world doesn’t make up for blatant disrespect.

Yve: Who should handle the overbearing mother-in-law? The son? Or the wife?

DY: The son.

Olasumbo: I broke up wit my boyfriend some months ago. He contacted me again saying he wishes to see me and he is not very far from me now. He invites me to come over and spend xmas with him, but when I asked him if he wants us to make up, he said I should not put him in a tight corner. I don’t understand!

DY: Sounds like he just wants to give you a gift. And that gift is his d*ck in a box

Ashlaquie: I fell in love with my best friend but we were never in a relationship and when he decided to go back to his ex (which he had been lying to both of us. ) I exposed him for lying to both of us to the ex and now were enemies…. If he never cared about me I should’ve never mattered right? So why be enemies when we were friends for 28 yrs…..(he had no reason to lie to me…ijs)???

DY: Why does it matter if you’re enemies or not? Why even want him in your life if he’s been lying to you about something like that?

Monashea: My husband and I have been separated for 5 years and now he’s trying to come back. I want him to be in our sons life but he acts as if we are a package deal. I don’t want him back but how do I get him to co parent with me. Btw he hasn’t seen his son in 5 years either. What should I do?

DY: Just tell him exactly that. That while you don’t want him, the child he helped produce needs a father. And, if you can’t convince him of that, I’m sure a judge or a lawyer could do the convincing for you


Bre: Damon…I have been friends with this boy from level 200 even before I broke up with my guy. He used to share some of his relationship stuffs with me. I’m now done with university and doing my national service. He’s been sending me messages lately that he loves me. The truth is I care about him and often call to check up on him but I don’t love him as a lover. I’m a very jovial person so me telling him I ain’t interested is not making him believe me. What should I do?

DY: Be blunt. It might not be in your nature to be that way, but for some men, bluntness is the only way the point will get through


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