When it comes to relationships, I can say that while I have a few “failed” relationships under my belt, I never felt like I was terrible at choosing a boyfriend. I’m not even sure that “failed” is a good word to describe relationships that didn’t work out; sometimes, things aren’t meant to be and don’t work out. I can’t really bad-mouth many of my exes because aside from a couple of losers I dated, they were all great guys.We can’t (and won’t) always choose the perfect partner, but there are some men and women out there who choose wrong ALL THE TIME. They’re just “bad pickers.”
Now that I’m married, of course I feel like I chose the right man. But can any of us really say that we choose to get married to the wrong person on purpose? How do we know if we’re “bad pickers” or simply made a mistake from the luck of the draw?
I’m sure many of us have had people tell us that we’re making a mistake when it comes to choosing a partner. If we have a track record that they can draw from, they might be on to something. With hindsight being 20/20, most of my friends and family who have been in bad relationships or who have gone through a divorce say they knew the relationship was doomed from the start, but stayed in it or gotten married anyway. I’ve had guy friends tell me, “I knew she was crazy, but she was hot, so I married her.” I’ve had women tell me that they knew the guy they were dating wasn’t husband material, couldn’t keep a job, didn’t want kids or something else they should have considered a deal breaker, but they married him anyway…only to be divorced a year or two later.
What they all had in common was they didn’t choose their partners with their heart or their gut; instead, they chose them based on desperation, low self-esteem, lust or even “reason.” They ignored that little voice inside that told them they’d be making a big mistake if they married this guy or that woman. So what is it that makes us ignore that gut feeling?
From what I’ve researched, most of us are conditioned to think “rationally” when it comes to most things, so we train ourselves to ignore our gut because we can’t put a finger on it. We don’t trust it because it’s based on nothing other than our subconscious mind telling our conscious mind that something is off.
Another explanation could be our need to ignore our gut in order to serve or satisfy the part of us that is desperate for love, in need of validation or attention, or the part of us that doesn’t want to be alone. So rather than trusting our instinct when it tells us to run, we stay in the hopes that our gut is wrong so that we can remain in a relationship in order to fill some sort of void. If we do this over and over again, then we develop a pattern of being a “bad picker” because we haven’t yet tapped into that voice that could protect us from heartache if we just learned to listen to it.
I can’t determine a “bad picker” versus someone who just might have a string of bad luck when it comes to relationships, but I’m sure many of us can relate to or knows someone who just seems like they never get it right. Personally, I think we all take a risk when it comes to love, and sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. But can we minimize our risk by listening to our inner voice? Maybe it’s easier said than done. But if you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust? Right?
Do you think that some of us are just born “bad pickers” or do you feel that any and everyone has the ability to choose the right partner if we just trusted our gut?