On the Bravo blog this week, Kenya Moore went in depth about her nonexistent relationship with her biological mother, which she talked about during this week’s episode. While sharing her thoughts on Momma Joyce’s ridiculous behavior at Kandi’s wedding dress fitting, Moore talked about preferring a crazy mother as opposed to one who isn’t involved in her life at all. Unfortunately, the latter is the state of her relationship with her mom now, and she says that it has had a negative impact on her relationships with men, as well as the men she chooses to have in her life:
Ironically, I would rather have a mother that acts inappropriately to protect me than not have a mother at all. My Aunt Lori is my mother’s sister and has always been a mother figure to me. She is smart, driven, successful, and kind. Since birth, my mother made the decision at age 16 to pretend she never had me. She has never spoken to me. Even if present in the same room with other people and family, she pretends that I simply don’t exist. She pretends I’m invisible.
I fully understand that there has been a void in my life because of this, which relates to my romantic relationships. I have never had any issues with falling in love, dating, sustaining long-term relationships, or attracting great men in my life, who have loved me unconditionally. Although I have had now seven proposals of marriage, I have never accepted one.
As my Aunt pointed out, I choose “unavailable men.” I’ve never wanted a married man or one that is in a relationship. I acknowledge I have a pattern of falling for men who are emotionally unavailable, physically unavailable in terms of distance, or categorically unavailable with respect to time or where they are in life. For instance, some men know they are not ready for marriage. Perhaps my pattern is that I unconsciously seek rejection or failure with these men, which sadly mimics my mother’s relationship.
Although I have suffered a great deal of pain from my mother, my understanding of my own pathology is a step toward healing. Everyone has a story. Everyone has suffered loss, pain, or rejection on some level. My story of my mother has been written and published for 42 years. My story of having a family of my own is still being written. I have had a series of unfortunate setbacks, but I have faith in knowing that God has a plan for me. My Aunt believes that if a baby is what I want now, then I should focus on that. For me, I will explore all my options as I have someone special in my life. I have learned my lesson about pressuring a man for marriage. With that said, I will continue to work on myself so that I can be the best woman, friend, companion, and mother to my future children… God’s speed.
Can you relate to Moore’s story? Do you think that her issues with her mother play a big part in the relationship drama she finds herself in?