14 Quick Pre-Sex Confidence Boosters

December 20, 2013  |  
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You could be the funniest amongst your friends, the most intelligent amongst your co-workers, and the most beautiful in your family, but when we get into the bedroom, we can all get a little insecure about our bodies, our performance, the sounds we make—you name it. Here are quick self-esteem boosters for right before sex.

Talk to your partner about his day/stresses

Men feel more turned on by you when you’ve provided them support or encouraged them in their ambitions and pursuits. If you know sex is around the corner, ask your partner how that big work project is going and be a great listener, and give helpful feedback. You’ll feel more confident in bed knowing how much he appreciates you.


Use an alter ego

It’s like role-playing without the costumes. Create a sexual alter ego. Give her a name. Give her attributes (she could have a different, more exciting job and an exotic pet). Embody her when it’s time to do the deed. Then you don’t feel like it’s you if you feel you mess up or do something awkward.


Eat a small treat

Just allowing yourself a small serving of your favorite food puts you in the mindset of, “I deserve to indulge in things that feel good” and you’ll be ready for a session in the sheets.

Look up pictures of real bodies

Google images of curvy women or plus size women. You’ll usually find pictures of women with real bodies posing confidently, clearly happy in their skin. You’ll realize how beautiful they look, when they might even be 4 sizes bigger than you, and realize you look just as hot!

Look at your own body

Take ten minutes to stare at yourself naked in the mirror. Notice the sexy little shadow under your breasts, or the profile of them when you turn to the side, and the cute dimples where your butt cheeks fold over your legs. Realize that your partner notices all of this too.


Doing something to remind yourself you care about your body will make you feel that you deserve things that feel good for your body, like sex.

Think of your body as a machine

Instead of thinking of your body as a size, shape or measurements, think of it as a well oiled machined. Think of how flexible you are, how strong you are, and what great endurance you have. Focus on that during the act.


Put on your feel-good song

You know you have that song—it’s the one you played in high school when you had the house to yourself, or the one you always played when you pre-gamed with your friends before a party in college. Get back in that carefree state of mind. Feeling relaxed can lead to feeling turned on.


Don’t check social media

Twitter, Facebook and other social media platforms will quickly have you comparing your body to other women’s, your relationship to other women’s, your income to other women’s etc. Put that away.

Stand your ground on something, even if it’s small

To get better at asking for what you want in bed, get better at asking for it in real life. Right before sex, ask your partner to make you a snack, or to help you with something around the house. Just assert yourself. Seeing that he’s willing to help you in other areas will remind you he’s happy to help you in bed.


Steer clear of chick flicks

Research has shown that romantic comedies can lead women to feel dissatisfied with their own relationships. They end up sitting around, comparing their real life romance to that Hollywood-scripted one.

Light a cake or cookie-scented candle

There’s just something about the scent of freshly baked cookies or cake that turns both men and women on. It might take you back to the feeling of being totally safe as a little kid when your mom was baking. Or it might just be that they small so darn good.

Get the lighting right

Nobody wants to get it on under lights akin to cafeteria lights! Get a light dimmer, or turn off all the lights and light candles.

Wear what you feel sexy in

Forget sexy lingerie—if you feel it cuts you funny, you won’t feel sexy in it. Put on the pajama pants you think make your butt look cute, or the tank top that your boobs look great in bra-less.

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