Yesterday, BuzzFeed ran a pictorial of 24-year-old Manuel Rico, a native of Spain who’s now a resident of Concepción, Chile, and they christened him as the “The Hottest Gynecologist Ever…”
“According to the local press, women are standing in line to be checked by Rico. He also happens to be the 2010 Spanish Beauty King. However, he does not want to focus on his past but rather continue his practice as a doctor. Would you not stand in line for him?”
Buzzfeed, of course, posted a bunch of pictures of the good doctor (some of them shirtless), who they also call “the REAL Dr. McDreamy.” He’s not bad – at some angles. At other angles, he sort of has a more developed Ryan Seacreast thing happening. However, all this adoration of Dr. Rico has me pondering this: How comfortable would I, or any of us really, be as a patient of the world’s hottest gynecologist?
Well, we know some of you aren’t checking for Rico Sauve over here. But since “hotness” is always subjective and I don’t have time to go through all the 32 flavors at Man-skin Robbins, for the sake of argument, insert any guy you deem s*xy. He could look like Idris Elba or Columbus Short or one of my personal favorites: Jason Momoa. You know, the tall strapping fella best known for playing Khal Drogo on Game of Thrones and being Lisa Bonet’s fine-as-Plum-wine husband? Dude is both hot and racially ambiguous enough to appeal to most heterosexual (or occasionally hetero at least) woman’s palette. So for the purpose of this thought exercise, let’s say your regular doctor had to leave work unexpectedly, and our hypothetical vag doctor looks like Jason Momoa. Now just play along…
On the surface – and by surface I mean freaky fantasies – it sounds like a wonderful idea. A gorgeous doctor doing both a breast and vag exam might have you make all your annuals and then some. But then there’s reality, like this scenario: Dr. Drogo comes in, looks at you sitting bottom-less and under a thin smock with only your socks on. He smiles and introduces himself. As he talks and flashes you his pearly whites, you swear you hear angels sing, “Sexy Can I” by Ray J and Young Berg. You smile back but then add some sort of tasteless or otherwise bad joke about how you know the exam table is not real leather because your a** isn’t sticking to it. Silently, you curse yourself for being goofy-as-hell and unable to act cool around someone you are attracted to. But just as you are ready to sink embarrassingly into the exam table’s faux leather, Dr. Drogo chuckles and makes a quip of his own about the exam table not having consistent pores. You really don’t get it but you laugh obnoxiously anyway, thankful to the good doctor for relieving the tension in the room.
So now he’s standing over you, flipping through his doctor’s clipboard and flexing in his doctor coat, which is obviously too small for his massive and well-chiseled physique. You can tell by how the seams are holding on for dear life that he works out religiously. Without prompting, you tell him that you are going to start working out – soon. He nods, smiles politely and tells you that’s a good idea. However, his real focus is still on his notes. You let your mind wander for a second, thinking about what he might be scribbling down on that clipboard of his. Could it be your measurements? His phone number? Your name and his inside a heart with an arrow through it? After a few more moments of making random Keyser Soze-like small talk about objects around the office, Dr. Drogo finally puts your rambling to an end and gets down to the business of your visit:
“How many sexual partners have you had in the last six months…”
*insert record scratch*
I’m sorry, but excuse me? We just met. I mean, dinner? A movie? At least give me your first name! But this is not the only question Dr. Drogo has for you. “Do you or have you ever had any sexually transmitted diseases? Have you been pregnant before? What was the date of your last period? How long does your period last? What is the amount of flow (light. medium, heavy)?” This was not the introduction to your vag that you had in mind for the good doctor. Suddenly, you are seriously conflicted on how to answer these questions. You want everything to be fine and in working order, but on the flip side, this man is super fine and he does not have a ring on his finger. Not to mention the almost cosmic connection you thought you had over exam room furniture. So do you really want to spill the beans about all that happened between the year 2002 and 2009?
After barely surviving the grueling KGB-style question and answer portion of your visit, Dr. Drogo is now ready to start his physical exam. First the breast exam, and after a quick rub and pinch, he tells you to scoot on down to the end of the table and, to paraphrase Busta Rhymes, put your legs where his eyes can see. That’s when you remember: Since you were totally expecting your regular doctor, who got called away to a job on the highway, you realize that you totally forgot about about your lady parts down there. If you had advance warning, you might have done a better job shaping things up down there. Maybe added some bedazzled jewels or his favorite color for that added flare. Nevertheless, you have no choice but to tough it out. And as Dr. Drogo puts on his plastic glove and starts poking around down there, you both try not to make eye contact during this process. However, Dr. Drogo looks so much like Jason Momoa and well…
Now I say all this in jest, well at least some of this, but I totally would not be okay with a s*xy male gynecologist. It’s all a matter of comfort and there is just too much potential for me to embarrass myself if my doctor comes walking into an exam room looking like “S*xy Can I.” However, I realize that some of you are much cooler than I am so share your thoughts in the comment section below. Could you be the patient of a hot gynecologist?