Girl Stop! Ways You’re Ruining Your Relationship And You Don’t Even Know It

January 29, 2014  |  
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Once the excitement and anxiety of a newly formed relationship has died down, you’re left figuring out how to keep things stable and happy for the two of you. However, as silly as it sounds, when a lot of women are in a stable relationship, they tend to do and say things that end up boiling down self-sabotage. Little by little, without even knowing it, you may be chipping away at the foundation of the bond between you and your man. Here are 14 ways you are ruining your own relationship.

Comparing your relationship

No two relationships are the same; they’re each extremely unique and no two relationships are going to pan out the exact same way. ┬áTherefore there’s really no need to compare your current relationship to relationships in the past or with the relationships of those around you. Your man doesn’t deserve to be judged and as soon as that happens one too many times, he’ll be out.

Not thinking before you speak

While you may believe that words don’t hurt, they do. If you’re one of those women that blurts out thoughtless words, you’re doing more harm than good, especially when it comes to your relationship. Words that come out without thinking about them first can be hurtful and more likely than not, these words will stick with your man.

Letting insecurities rule you

We all have insecurities and each day it’s important that we work towards resolving them. Insecurities only become an issue when you allow them to rule you and your relationship. If you think you need to lose weight, that’s fine, but don’t let your sex life suffer. If you think you’re no good at expressing your thoughts and feelings, don’t stop altogether. Work on insecurities but don’t let them manifest into something more.

Not speaking your mind

Relationships and truthful communication go hand-in-hand. All relationships will involve plenty of arguments, but what’s important here is that during these arguments, you’re able to speak your mind, in an appropriate way, of course. If you don’t speak everything that you feel and everything that’s on your mind, you risk holding all sorts of grudges.

Spending too much time together

When a relationship is fresh and new, it’s hard to picture the possibility of spending too much time together. As nice as it is to see and be with your man as much as possible, spending too much time together has its downfalls. You, your man, or both of you can start to feel suffocated and later on down the line you may have realized that you lost friends because of this. After a few weeks of dating, be sure that you aren’t in the habit of becoming each others’ social lives and entertainment. Spend time with your girls and let your man spend time with his boys. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Picking at your partner

We all have flaws, bad habits, annoying tendencies, and insecurities, you and your man included. But, no matter how angry and frustrated you are at your man, one of the worst things you can do is to point out these flaws and insecurities and make fun of them. You and your partner should be able to be vulnerable around each other without having to worry about being made fun of. Instead of hitting him where it hurts most, find better ways to communicate your anger. Otherwise you risk making your man feel even more insecure which will cause a huge character change.

Being too accepting

Acceptance and understanding is important in a relationship, but there can come a time when you’re being way too accepting and way too nice. All relationships need to have boundaries and when these boundaries are crossed, the problem needs to be promptly addressed. But, if you’re one of those women who believes that every problem was an honest mistake and that the boundary crossing was a temporary issue, you’re setting the relationship up for failure. Being too nice can lead to you being walked all over.

Falling into mundane routines

Mundane does not mix very well with relationships. As time passes and you and your partner begin to settle into the relationship, it’s easy for things to become very mundane and repetitive. Mundane routines lead to boring relationships, which leads to unhappy partners. Though you may be happy with the same old routine, your man may not be. Don’t let boredom become the downfall here. Switch things up a bit. Be spontaneous. And don’t be afraid to try something new.

Having unrealistic expectations

Relationships aren’t like the fairy-tales, the love songs, or the chick flicks, and while you may not admit it, many women have unrealistic expectations when it comes to their relationship. The fact is that no relationship is perfect and by having unrealistic expectations, you’re setting yourself, your man, and your relationship up for failure. When you have high expectations and they aren’t met, not only are you knocked down a level, but so is your partner.

Bringing your baggage

Everyone has baggage, which is acceptable. However, baggage becomes a huge issue when you drag it into a new relationship with a new man and you’re unwilling, or unable, to remove it from the picture. Baggage puts all sorts of unnecessary stress and strain on a relationship and though you may not be doing it intentionally, you’re really causing some major harm to your relationship. Seriously, leave your baggage at the door.

Keeping score

A successful relationship is all about give and take and it’s crucial that the two people involved are able to equally give and take in the relationship. Instead of letting things flow, you’re one of those women that keeps tally of the gives and takes and then puts certain condition onto the relationship. When you keep score of who does what and when, it’s a clear sign that there is a lack of appreciation somewhere.

Focusing on what your partner doesn’t do

This all goes back to the fact that comparing your relationship is never a wise idea. Maybe your man doesn’t put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket and maybe he isn’t the type of man to help you clean around the house every weekend. While it would be nice to have a man who does these things, focus on what your man does do. While he may not mop, sweep, or do the dishes, the fact that he takes you out for weekly romantic dinners, washes your car until it shines, and makes the bed like a champ makes up for everything that he doesn’t do. Don’t focus on the negative, always look at what you do have.

Reducing the amount of effort you put into it

Love, passion, romance, and trust don’t come without effort from both parties. You can’t go into a relationship expecting that the foundation will already be built for you. It’s important that you and your man are putting in effort, time, and energy to build a healthy and strong relationship and never stop doing so.

Losing sight of yourself

At the end of the day, a relationship involves two people. However, it’s important, no matter if you’re in a relationship for two months or five years, that you never lose sight of yourself. Always make time to do you and don’t ever let a relationship compromise your inner happiness. Losing sight of who you really are is only a temporary fix for a relationship that is bound to be doomed.

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