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As I get older, it still amazes me the lack of self-awareness that most people seem to have.  Now, there are those people who are able to take a step outside of a situation and realize when they were wrong.  Those people will never fully realize how precious they are to me and my inner monologue.  But for the ones that are being addressed, can we have a open discussion?

There are times when relationships, whether romantic, familial, or platonic, come to an end.  Sometimes one person will finally decide that they’ve had enough and just walk away.  During these times it can be very easy to point fingers and say:  “Well, he/she just left.”  Which could be true in a sense, but not completely honest.

I came across a meme recently that said:  “If I cut you off, chances are you handed me the scissors.”  This resonated with me because I get annoyed when certain people try to come back in my life as if nothing ever happened.  Now, there are friendships that were lost due to lack of proximity, a misunderstanding, or when a person allows a new mate to cut out interactions.   I don’t stop those relationships from rekindling.  At the very least, I’ll always allow myself to at least catch up.  But when toxic people come back… ehhhh…

Now, I’m not for holding grudges (because those tend to do more harm to the person who’s holding it than the person it is against).  If looking back on a relationship and you find that a person used you, or constantly disregarded your feelings, then let them go if you feel so inclined.

But for the people who were cut off, and are trying to come back, I feel as if there’s a level of responsibility that you need to take.  As human beings, we thrive on connections with others, and it takes a lot to make a person completely cut a person off.  So, if you’re a person like this, then chances are you gave someone those scissors and could have even forced their hand.

That’s hard to accept about ourselves, because no one wants to be the reason for driving so many people away.  But situations happen for us to learn from, and if you’re still behaving the same way you did years, months, or even days ago, and you can’t understand why your life is on the same path, then you’re failing at life.

I’ve been in situations like that where a friendship ended and I immediately thought that the other person was being obtuse.  But no, it was me. My selfish behavior, my poor decisions, my lack of insight was what drove an important friendship away.  It didn’t feel good to look at my actions.  It was actually very painful to do so, but at the same time, growth inflicts pain.  It causes you to have be bare, broken, and vulnerable in order for you to reach the next echelon that you need to.

You might not ever get that friendship back, and taking “the L” can be a huge blow to your ego.  However, those lessons on what you did wrong will forever be invaluable for your next friendships and relationships.  Growth can be scary, but so can being alone if everyone keeps cutting you off.  The choice of how you live your life is up to you.

Kendra Koger learns how to take fault, while also tweeting @kkoger.


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