Much to the chagrin of women everywhere, the days of men wanting to go out and approach women in person might be going the way of the dinosaur. Between Craigslist, Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest, men are finding new ways to approach women that don’t require anything resembling the “old days” of face-to-face interaction. When it comes to the landscape of approaching women, men primarily believe in one rule: Do whatever has worked and if that stops working, find out what works and do that. As a man who’s had to use the “cold approach” when it comes to women, you’d think I have all the answers for how women can “look” more approachable, but I honestly don’t. What I can say is the type of situations I tend not to approach women in and why I don’t.
For example, I don’t like approaching women who are in crowds with other women. If I see a woman out in a club, bar, or other public setting and she’s surrounded by a bunch of women at all times, I’ll leave her be. Whenever I say this to women, they always turn up their nose and say, “well if you really wanted to speak to her, you wouldn’t be worried about the people she’s around, you’d suck it up and just go speak.” I understand the sentiment, but walking up to a random woman of my affection is already a risk. My chance of success is already at a low percentage simply because that’s just the game. I’m not about to lessen the chances of success by walking through the gauntlet (the friends of said woman) to speak to her. So if I see her by herself, I’m good. If she’s in a crowd, I’m not interested.
I also don’t approach women that look like they have an attitude. Admittedly, this can be a bit trickier, and the read on the facial expressions I’m getting might not be all that accurate. After all, how can one possibly know the meaning of a woman’s facial expression that he’s never even met before? Before I speak to women, I always try to pick up a vibe by watching them from afar. If I’m watching a woman and she is giving out mean mugs, not smiling, or nothing about her body language seems open to communication with other human beings, I’m not going to speak to her. Granted, I don’t expect women to always be smiling, happy, or doing anything to appease other people around her, but approaching women is almost always a crap shoot. A man is assuming the risk, so he’s at the mercy of the woman he’s approaching and no man, no matter how “alpha” he is, is trying to be embarrassed in public. So, while I don’t expect for a woman to look friendly at all times, if I’m eyeing her and she looks unhappy, I’m not making any moves to speak to her.
Lastly, I don’t like to approach women who are always looking into their phone. If I can be frank for a second, that’s really annoying. As a person who’s always attached to his phone, I can definitely understand the “need” to constantly be in contact with what’s going on in the world of Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest/Tumblr/whatever else. With that said, if I’m observing a woman from a distance and she’s always face down into her phone, I’m more apt to not bother with trying to approach her. It’s not that I think any less of her, it just doesn’t send me the signal of “hey, I want some strange random man to come up and hold a conversation with me.” Now, do I expect every woman to just not be on the phone in hopes of trying to catch a man? No. I’m just telling you what it looks like.
I can’t really speak to what makes a woman approachable to all men. All the things I named were specific to me and I know men who don’t care what a woman is doing at the time he sees her. If they see her they’re going to roll up on her and go for what they know. So, don’t be too upset at what I just said if you find yourself in disagreement. It’s just one man’s opinion.