I will begin by saying we do not have enough time to give this topic justice so I most likely will have to return to it in a few weeks in order to exhaust the topic in detail. But for now, here goes.
The issue of friends and what role they play in a relationship is one that is complicated/not complicated and filled with what you should do/what you will do. It makes perfect sense too. When I first got the note to touch on this topic it was attached to a story about a guy who was upset that a girl he was dating was sharing the details of their relationship in its embryonic phase. Let me be clear, when I say embryonic, I mean like the first few months before there are titles involved. As I read this, I cringed myself. I cringed because I’ve been turned off by similar actions too. I’ve wanted to almost end things immediately because I tend to live by a strict dating policy, “Stop telling everybody your damn business.” I fully understood why that guy was upset but I also understood why someone would not think it was a big deal.
Here’s why it’s complicated:
It’s complicated because when you don’t talk to your friends about your life is typically when you end up so far out there that it’s very hard to reign you back in. For example, I remember telling a friend this, “You get yourself in situations that you can’t even tell your friends about because you know your A$$ ain’t got NO business doing what you doing.” And that’s when it gets dark and in that case, I would say it’s complicated but it’s a good idea to tell your friends about your relationship.
Prime example: You keeping it under the wraps that the guy you’re dating is technically still married and in the process of a divorce.
Reason why you need to tell your friends: Because someone has to be the logical one to tell you that you should wait until he’s divorced to start dating him.
Here’s why it’s not complicated:
You actually know that your friends will interfere with your relationship in the name of your feelings and saying that it’s on your behalf. If you had to pick between sharing with your friends and not sharing with your friends, the easy option is to not share because it reduces risk. Going back to the example that I shared, your friends will make that situation complicated, not you, not the guy you are dating, not anyone else but your friends. They fail to realize that you’ve already decided what to do; they just need to learn how to be supportive instead of intrusive.
What you should do:
Easier said than done, but the best solution is to be able to share information with your friends without telling them all your business. You should find a way to share information about yourself but not the other person. I’ll tell you why. As I told the last young lady I was dating who did this, “I reserve the right to disclose information about my life, myself.” The point is, when you share information about the guy you’re dating or the relationship that you’re in with your friends you’re putting his business out on the streets too.
What you will do:
You’re going to share information with your friends; much of it is likely to be information that was best kept to yourself and your significant other. As a man, I had to get to the point where I was comfortable with this happening and also realizing that it is not a woman issue, but it’s a people issue. Men tell their boys stuff too, we just do it differently. (I’m going to carefully leave this alone because we don’t have the time today.) Because you will share information about your relationship with your friends and they will play a big role in your dating/relationships, just focus on how to do it healthy. Be very aware of what you should do and what you will do and know the difference. There’s nothing you can do to stop doing what you feel is right even if it’s not right to anyone else, but you can work on consistently being in the interest of doing it the right way.