How To Stop Attracting The Wrong Men

November 20, 2013  |  
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When you’re part of the dating scene, it’s not uncommon for you to come across a guy or two who, at first, you thought were good matches, but in the end you found that these men weren’t good for you at all. This is plenty normal, but things can become frustrating when you find you’re doing nothing but attracting the wrong guys over and over again. Thankfully you can turn this around! Here are 14 tips that will help you to stop attracting the wrong men.

Know you can break the pattern

Before you can stop attracting the wrong men, you’ll have to realize, understand, and believe that you can break the pattern. Though you may not want to admit it, the fact is that you’re the main player in this conflict and you’re the only one with the power to put on the brakes and stop it for good.

Don’t let yourself settle

One of the worst things that women do when they’re active in the dating world is lower their standards and expectations and settle for a man who they know won’t keep them 100% happy. When you settle for a man who you know isn’t one you should be dating, you’re only setting yourself up for failure. Settling is a temporary patch, and it usually makes you feel worse than you did single.

Boost your confidence

Often times, women who find themselves attracted to the wrong men are suffering from a lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem. To break the pattern of reeling in the wrong men, make sure that your confidence is high and that you love yourself before committing to any new dates or men. When you feel good about yourself, you’re able to attract men of higher quality.

Have clear wants and needs

If you go into the dating world with blurred wants, needs, and expectations, you’re not fully able to pinpoint the type of guy that you’re looking for. It’s important that you know exactly what you’re looking for when you’re dating so that from the get-go you can determine whether or not a man is good for you or not. Don’t go into the dating scene looking for practice dates and practice relationships. Know what you want and need out of a man to help you steer clear of the wrong men.

Take a step back

Before you accept any future dates, take a step back and look at the men you have been dating recently. Are there any patterns or specific traits that seem to be attracting you to these men? Are you focusing solely on physical things? Are you on a bad boy kick? Figure out if there are any patterns, and if there are, work on breaking them.

Keep the end goal in mind

When you’re in the beginning stages of getting to know a man, always keep your end goal in mind. You don’t want to be dating around for the rest of your life. Instead you want to be able to find a man who you can be in a happy and healthy relationship with. Before you decide to date and settle down with a man, be sure that he fits into your future end goal. If he doesn’t, he’s probably not the one you need.

Think positively

After seeing your friends and those around you find long-term boyfriends and husbands while you’re still finding nothing but bad matches, you can easily slip into the mindset that all of the good guys are taken. Though it may seem like it, it’s impossible that all of the good guys have been snatched up by other women. Don’t think you have to take what you can get because you assume all of the good guys are taken.

Be picky

When it comes to dating, one of the best traits you can have is to be picky. Though in other parts of life being picky can be problematic, when you’re part of the dating scene, this is one of the best qualities to have. If a guy doesn’t meet all of your wants and needs, at least the reasonable ones, don’t hesitate to move on from him. Being picky will save you a lot of trouble in the end, and it’ll help you stop attracting the wrong men.

Remember the three H’s

When it comes to dating, there are three H’s that play an important role: hormones, head, and heart. Right off the bat, when you first meet a man, the hormones are bound to be racing and they tend to take precedence. However, if you let hormones take center stage, your heart and head aren’t able to stay in the game. In efforts to stop attracting the wrong men, make sure that your head, heart, and hormones are in equal harmony.

Take a break from dating

Sometimes in order to stop attracting the wrong men, you need to reset yourself and your dating world. To do this, the best thing you can do is to take a break from dating. You don’t need to take a break for months on end, but give yourself a week or two to process the pattern of attracting bad men and to allow yourself to mentally and emotionally reset.

Start listening to your gut

We all have that inner voice that speaks to us, especially when we’re dating. Though you may be more inclined to listen to other voices and thoughts, the truth is that your gut instinct is typically the one that is right. If that inner voice is telling you to be hesitant or if it’s telling you that taking things further with this man is a mistake, listen to it. Otherwise you leave yourself vulnerable to the wrong men.


One of the hardest parts of breaking the cycle of attracting the wrong men is to take some time to do a little bit of self-reflection. Typically we attract the type of men that are quite similar to who we are. Take some time to figure out your downfalls and more than likely you’ll find that the type of men you’re attracting also suffer from these not-so-great qualities. If you want to find a caring, attentive, and trustworthy man, you’ll need to have these qualities yourself.

Listen to those around you

Though dating and relationships should really only involve you and the man you’re with, the fact is that when you’re attracting the wrong men, those who are closest to you, including friends and family members, are bound to notice. One of the biggest reasons why some women attract the wrong men is because they ignore what those around them are seeing and saying. Typically those on the outside can see things better.

Don’t be afraid to say no

For fear of seeming mean and heartless, a lot of women have a hard time saying no to a man. If a guy is asking you for a date and you know he isn’t your type and doesn’t suite your wants and needs, there is no harm in saying no. Though you may feel bad after the fact, the truth is that by saying yes, you’re only leading him on and building him up to failure. Don’t be afraid to say no, especially when you know this guy just isn’t for you.

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