Permission is a strong word, we know, but when it comes to certain things between couples there’s just no getting around asking for it. You can call it clearance or “running it by them,” but bottom line is you should probably hear a clear cut answer of “yes” from your partner’s mouth before you do any of the following.
Hanging out with an ex
This is the ultimate no-no. Even if you too are “just cool” now or you haven’t seen each other in years, you need to make sure your partner knows you want to do this and is OK with you doing it. It makes no sense to mess up a current relationship over an ex simply because you failed to check with him or her on this.
Spending time with friends of the opposite sex
We’re not talking the ace boon fool who you’ve known since you were 5. We’re talking about the attractive new neighbor in your building who asked you out for coffee to pick your brain about the neighborhood. It sounds innocent enough, but it’s just one of those things that could look like more than what it is if you neglect to bring it up ahead of time and make sure your partner doesn’t mind.
Inviting people to stay with you
This only applies if you two live together, but you should never under any circumstances tell someone they can stay at your home when you live with someone else and haven’t run it by them first. Even if that person is your mother and you know the answer is an obvious yes when it comes to them staying with you, not asking permission is essentially telling your partner their opinion doesn’t matter and they have no say.
Having company over
Nobody just getting off of work wants to come home to a house full of people unexpectedly. That’s an argument waiting to happen. A big one.
Not coming home at night
If you got so drunk you can’t drive home, you better not be sloppy enough to not call and let your partner know that’s what you’re doing. You will still get the side-eye for this suspect behavior, but it’ll come across much better than showing up at 6am telling the same story.
Volunteering them to do favors for anybody
“Oh, I’m sure he/she won’t mind.” Are you? The last thing a person needs is to be volunteered for something without their consent. Instead of giving someone a soft yes before running it by your parter, just relay the request and let them do the answering.
We’re not talking surprises, we’re talking along the lines of the last point. Don’t tell Nicole you and your boo can meet up for brunch Saturday when you haven’t even checked with your man to see, a) is he free; and b) does he really want to do that?
Drastically changing your hair
This is a tricky one because you don’t necessarily need permission, but if you’re thinking of going from waist-length locks to a teeny weeny fro, you miiiight wanna run that by somebody. Your new look is not only going to be an adjustment for you, but also your partner who is attracted to what you currently have going on, so you at least need to make sure they know this is coming and they can handle it.
Going to a strip club
For some this is a non-issue, for others they believe the strip club-hopping should stop once you get in a committed relationship. Don’t get caught with a charge on your card from Larry and Them’s Peep Show spot up the road. Tell your partner you’re thinking about having a boys/girls night out on the town and you might end up there and see if they care.
Making large purchases
If you’re married and have a joint account, you need to get clear permission before withdrawing any large sum of money via ATM or a large purchase. Would you rather your partner tell you you two can’t afford that right now or get cussed out when they go to buy groceries and their card is declined because you bought a big screen TV?
Getting a pet
We know, this sounds like the cutest surprise gift ever. That is, until that puppy is pooping and peeing all around the house and no one is home in the daytime to stop the cat from tearing the mess out of your curtains. Pets are like children, two consenting adults need to agree on their presence in your lives and the division of responsibilities when it comes to caring for them.
Throwing things away
If you aren’t sure your partner might need that slip of paper or still want their teddy from the age of 3, do not throw it in the trash and break the news to them later. You could be discarding things of significant sentimental value, not to mention monetary, in the midst of your spring cleaning. You need to know what your partner wants to keep and throw away before you go rummaging.
When you and your boo have been staying over each other’s houses for a while, it can get pretty tedious packing bags with the same toiletries every weekend, but before you carve out a space for your tampons on his bathroom shelf you need to know he’s OK with you leaving some things there. Don’t start moving in before you’ve received an invitation.
That what’s mine is ours mentality is nothing more than a theory that lasts about as long as the honeymoon phase of relationships. No, you probably don’t need permission to borrow his/her soap one morning when yours runs out, but if your car broke down and you just decided to grab her keys to go play ball with the boys think again. That’s still her property and permission must be given.