14 Ways To Stop Putting Yourself Down In Front Of Men

October 29, 2013  |  
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Oh women, we just can’t take a compliment. And hell will freeze over before we pay ourselves one! In the name of sounding humble, we can often end up sounding self-deprecating. Here are 14 ways you’re probably putting yourself down in front of men that need to stop today!

“The meat’s a little dry and the pasta’s undercooked”

As you’re feeding your man the meal you made him, you’re telling him the meat is too dry and the pasta is undercooked and your sister made it much better and it looks nothing like it does in the recipe look. RELAX! You do realize that he’s a man, right? And that he probably couldn’t cook himself something half this complicated? All he’s thinking is, “A meal I don’t have to pay for! Awesome!”

“Well I always thought by this age I’d be…”

When your guy compliments you to your face, or praises you in front of others, on where you’re at in your career, you have to interrupt and say where you thought you’d be by this age, and how drastically behind that target you are. Um…we’re all behind schedule on our life goals. Those goals are simply set to give us forward momentum, so if yours has done that for you, you’re right on track.

 

“Oh, thanks, but I wanted to have time to do my hair”

When your guy points out how beautiful you look and what a great job you’ve done putting yourself together all you can fixate on is the one thing you didn’t get the chance to do. And you have to draw his attention away from the twelve things he was admiring.

 

“I haven’t been going to the gym as much as I should have”

As you’re standing on tippy toes to reach something in a cabinet, your guy says, “Look at you! Your calf muscles are incredible!” And you instantly get shy, hide those calf muscles behind something and tell him how many times you’ve skipped the gym this month and how lazy you are.

 

“My friend is already an executive at the company”

You get a promotion, your boyfriend is in the middle of clinking his champagne glass to yours at the celebratory dinner he’s arranged, and you have to rain on everyone’s parade by bringing up your friend (when did this become her dinner??) who is way ahead of you in the same company, but is the same age.

“I should have given him the $5 bill”

You do something kind, like give a homeless man a dollar, or donate some dresses to a woman’s shelter, and your guy is so impressed with your selflessness. But you have to point out how you could have done more.

 

“I know it doesn’t actually make things better”

Your guy is sick and you bring him soup, or he’s in a fight with his dad and you bring him his favorite DVD. While he’s grinning over how thoughtful this is, you undercut it by saying that it doesn’t actually fix the problem you’re trying to cheer him up about.

 

“I’m being such a girlfriend right now”

You’re asking to be cuddled, or being needy, or crying, and in the middle of your genuine emotional moment you get flustered and say, “I’m being such a girlfriend right now!” and stomp out of the room, not even allowing your guy to console you over what you were originally upset about. You’re too insecure about acting like a “typical girlfriend.” As if he cares! A girlfriend is what he signed up for.

“You probably won’t want to go, it’ll be boring”

You invite your guy to a friend’s birthday party or your office holiday party, and immediately feed him excuses for why he shouldn’t have to come like, “You’re probably busy, you’re tired after a long day you shouldn’t have to come to some silly party, it will be boring, you won’t like it, it’s okay if you don’t come.” Let the guy be there for you!

“I should have learned to _____ a long time ago”

You’re learning to cook, or stitch up clothing, or decorate a room. Your guy compliments you on how fast you’re learning and all you can do is kick yourself for being twenty years late on learning the craft.

“If I could afford it I’d buy you the…”

You buy your guy a new couch, or a painting, or a nice TV, and while he’s overjoyed with his gift, you sulk and say how you wish you’d had the money to buy him the leather couch, or the antique painting, or the bigger TV.

“My friend, she is the pretty one”

No matter what the context, don’t ever say this to your man about your good friend or your sister. He has no idea what to say in response. If he disagrees, you’ll get upset that he’s disagreeing. If he agrees, well, you’ll be upset for other obvious reasons. To him, you are the prettiest one in the world. Accept that.

“It was no ivy league college”

You worked hard to get into college, and to stay in college, and to graduate from it. You loved your teachers, you had a great time living the campus life, and you were passionate about your degree. So don’t talk patronizingly about your college. It meant a lot to you—it doesn’t matter what it means to the rest of the country or where it “ranks”.

 

“Maybe it’s my fault for getting upset”

You get upset at your guy for something that is totally reasonable to get upset about, but the second he sulks or looks guilty, you apologize for getting upset. Don’t undermine your own feelings! If he messed up, he needs to face the consequences. The pain and guilt he is feeling he brought upon himself.

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