Lately, I have found myself in a dilemma of interesting proportions. I always pride myself to be the kind of person who is dutifully outspoken without being confrontational or unreasonably hostile.
But I have just discovered that I am not as versatile in this arena as would like to be because when I do a quick inventory, it’s clear to me that when it comes to expressing my not so happy feelings to those closest to me, I would rather take the scenic route instead of driving towards the more rustic territory.
Relationships can be a complicated maze of ups and downs coupled with melodious intervals and this formula isn’t just reserved for romantic entanglements, it applies to anyone that you happen to spend quality time with. I have dealt with moody co-workers who challenged my ability to adhere to the rules of the corporate manual when it comes to allowing peace and harmony to reign supreme. But I was somehow able to stand up for myself in a way that wasn’t disruptive by encouraging fruitful dialogue and allowing the unbearable tension to dispense seamlessly. And every time the sessions were over, it was almost as if nothing ever happened, and we end up laughing about all the silliness over drinks at the nearby pub.
Why can’t I apply that same logic when it comes to my friends? I have noticed that when I have an issue with one of my gal pals, I Itchbay about it with my other friends who are not part of that particular circle but I avoid confronting the issue because I don’t feel comfortable acknowledging the fact that I am bothered by their actions.
This makes me wonder how honest we really are in our relationships because if you can’t open up to the ones who supposedly know you best, that means they don’t really know you at all.
I never thought too much about this topic until recently when I noticed that a close friend of mine was displaying symptoms of nonchalant behavior fueled by a tinge of jealousy. Whenever we would speak about the progress I was making in my career, she seemed aloof and sometimes combative. It was almost like she was trying to bring me down from my high because it was making her feel competitive. It was a bummer for me, because whenever something awesome happens, you immediately want to share the news with your posse. But when the feedback is less than enthusiastic it makes you re-evaluate your connections and ultimately you have to wonder if perhaps some of relationships are not fulfilling enough to satisfy your personal quota.
After some soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that I am probably hesitant to honestly tackle my growing frustrations because I am afraid of the end result. If we don’t settle things amicably, it could mean the end of our friendship or it could change things irrevocably. I am very stringent when it comes to change; I like things to stay the same without much interference.
But maybe it’s time to change my course and embrace the fact that it’s important to let the ones who are important to you understand when they have crossed the line and when they have hit a home run. At least then we will all be winners, and the ones who can’t hang will drift off accordingly.