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Marriage is truly what you make of it. Some days will be okay, some days will be amazing, and other days will be downright horrible. However, there are definitely some things you should and should not do to at least try to have as many good days as a married couple as possible. One of those things is to know what you’re saying before you say it. Here are 14 things to never say to your husband, unless you’re looking for a problem.

“Nothing is wrong”

Saying nothing is wrong to your husband is one of the worst things you can say. Not only is it a lie, it frustrates your spouse because he knows something is wrong, you just won’t say what it is. Saying the word nothing in this context shows a lack of effective communication on your part. When your husband asks if you’re okay or what’s wrong, don’t respond with nothing; he and you both know that’s not the truth.

“You need a new job”

Outright asking your husband when he is going to find a new or a better job can be pretty devastating to his ego. Instead of asking such a bold question, find ways to make it not so harsh. Why exactly do you want him to have a new job? Maybe his job means less time at home or maybe you think he could do a lot better career-wise. Find a more caring and understanding way to ask your man about his career. Men often evaluate themselves on how they can provide for their families, so their job means a lot.

“You never/always ____”

Telling your husband that he never does this or always does that wrong can often be said in the heat of the moment. During an argument or when you’re both frustrated, you tend to overreact and overstate things. Surely your man never helps with the laundry and surely he always cleans the dishes poorly, right? Wrong. Argument and frustration aside, the words never and always rarely turn out well. Avoid using them in negative connotations.

“I’ll do it myself”

Telling your husband that you’ll do something yourself is just like telling him that you think he is incapable of doing something. Men work to be the provider and supporter of the house and to hear that his contributions are so sub-par you’d rather do everything yourself can really be hurtful. Before stealing a task from your husband, take a step back and figure out whether or  not he’s just doing something differently than you would. If he gets water everywhere when he washes dishes, let it be. He’s not hurting anything or anyone, and he’s not doing it maliciously.

My ex was better at ____”

When you’re married, past boyfriends and relationships really should not matter, nor should they come up in conversation. No matter how angry or frustrated you are with your husband, never mention your ex in a way that defames or puts your husband down. No man wants to be told that another man is/was better at something than he is, especially your own husband. Saying this is bound to cause hurt and trust issues.

“We need to have a talk”

The dreaded “we need to have a talk” line is often said over the phone, through a text message, or through email, and for anybody, hearing or reading that statement is stomach-churning and heart-dropping. If something is bothering you or if you need to get some things off your mind, say that outright, instead of prefacing the conversation with “we need to have a talk.” This phrase instantly sets the recipient to expect the worst.

“You’re just like your dad”

Usually when you’re telling your husband that he is just like his dad, you’re saying it in a negative connotation. However, telling your man this is extremely belittling and you’ll easily inject fear into his mind with the idea that he’s showing some of the worst family traits. If his dad isn’t the cleanest and you want your man to pick his dirty clothes off the floor, just tell him to do so in a nice way, instead of doing it through comparison.

“What were you thinking?”

Asking a man what he was thinking when he did this or that is just as bad as saying outright that you don’t approve of what he did. Instead of questioning your mans actions, thoughts, and intentions, try to figure out a way to learn more about the situation in a nicer and more caring method. Instead of asking what he was thinking, ask for details of the situation or ask what prompted him to make that decision.

“Well my friends think…”

What you and your girlfriends talk about is not any business of your husband’s. If you try to use your friends thoughts and opinions against him, you’re bound to cause all sorts of tensions between him and your friends. Rubbing your friend’s opinions in your man’s face really doesn’t do much good. Keep your friends out of it.

“Go away”

Telling your husband to go away in the heat of the moment or during an argument can cause problems later on. Though you’re just angry and probably frustrated, asking your husband to leave can do more harm than good. If you just want some time apart from him, simply step outside or head into another room to cool off. Don’t tell him to go away if you really don’t mean it.

“You need to lose weight”

Just as us women can be self-conscious about our weight, so can men, though they may not dwell on the number on the scale as much as you do. If you’ve noticed that your man is getting a little rounder than usual, don’t blatantly call him fat or tell him that he needs to lose weight. Instead, try cooking healthier meals together. Go for walks each night after dinner. Healthier eating plus more activity is a great way to slim down.

Telling him how to parent

Girl’s night out is this weekend and you want your husband to watch the kids while you’re out. But, before that day comes, you give him a list of must do’s and things he shouldn’t do. Pretty much you write down a list of parenting tips for him. Don’t ever do or say anything that will make your husband feel like less of a father. Trust his parenting skills and know that whatever he does, he’s doing it as a dad.

“My mom warned me you’d be like this”

When a woman gets really mad, most of us think of something extremely hurtful to say that will put your man down and will put you into a sense of superiority. When you have to let your husband know that someone else is on your side, you’re definitely way past angry. Validating your side of the argument, especially by including your mother, is only hurtful and infuriating, and it can cause family tension.

“I got off”

Sex during marriage is an important way to keep the physical and emotional part of a relationship alive and well. However, sexual problems during a marriage are common, and they should be communicated. If you’re telling your husband that the sex is great and that you got off, when you really didn’t and you just faked it, you’re doing yourself more harm than good. If there’s an issue in bed, don’t hide it. Speak up.

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