VH1’s “Basketball Wives” is back for another crazy filled season, and of course the crux of the drama are the unfortunate circumstances that led to the severed marriage of Evelyn Lozada and Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson.
I am admittedly a big fan of the show, mostly because I am mesmerized by the de-mystified aspects that aim to assure us that despite the hefty lifestyles bestowed on these women, they are still identifiable through the course of events that pummel their every day lives.
The recent episodes show a much more sedate and subdued version of Evelyn as she comes to grips with the reality of her situation and even though I am positive that as a viewer I should feel some sense of empathy, I have to say that I think she got what she bargained for. It was pretty clear from the start that her relationship with Johnson was crippled and there would be no fairy tale ending in their future but yet she was determined to go through with it come what may. Obviously, she was motivated by the idea of being a “Basketball [Football] Wife,” having been scorned once before, she wasn’t going to go down like that! She made a conscious effort to ignore all the signs and block out the scandalous nature of the man she was about to commit to. She even went as far as begging her fiancée to give her a heads up whenever the desire to cheat reared its ugly head.
So when weeks after the high profile wedding, we learned that Lozada had been head-butted by her new husband after she questioned his fidelity following a disturbing discovery of purchased condoms, it was hard to feel any level of sympathy. It was a lot easier to instinctively acknowledge that this was an expected turn of events.
She made a decision that ultimately impacted her life in a destructive way but she did it for all the wrong reasons. She got sucked into the web of fame, wealth and entitlement and she basically disregarded her well-being and self-respect. And she had a reminder on her forehead that says perhaps she could have prevented this mishap by simply acknowledging the fact that her proposed marriage wouldn’t survive Johnson’s erratic temperament.
A lot of women seem to be making the mistake of marrying for all the wrong reasons.
A friend of mine who is scheduled to walk down the aisle this December confessed to me that she is going through with it because she is afraid of ending up an old maid. She turned 35 this year and was freaked out at the notion of being unmarried at her age. She needed to assuage her fears and get on with it, and of course pressure from her parents and siblings didn’t help matters. So she met a guy last year at her younger sister’s wedding and convinced herself that he was the ONE. He seemed very good on paper, great job, huge mansion, and similar cultural references. But I remember sensing the disconnect when I saw the two of them together; and when I prodded my friend for more info, she admitted that she wasn’t smitten by her newly minted fiancée BUT she was willing to give in to her destiny and hope for the best. It was more important for her to live up to the all the expectations than wait indefinitely for the love of her life.
I certainly can relate to her predicament, being unmarried and childless after a certain age can be a undesirable condition and there have been moments when out of sheer panic I considered embarking on a loveless relationship. But thankfully the romantic optimist in me wouldn’t give me permission to sell my soul.
There are legitimate reasons to tie the knot and there are also reasons that may challenge your sense of fulfillment, which can only lead to heartache and bitterness down the road.
I prefer to hold out for the guy who makes my heart flutter with excitement and anticipation. Someone who makes me feel safe, respected and valued, and most of all loves me just the way I am.
It might sound like a tall order but I have always been up for a challenge!