Unfollow, Unfriend & Other Ways To Make Your Break Up Less Messy
Make Your break up less messy
Break ups were never meant to drag on and on for weeks at a time, quietly ruining your friendships, future relationships, and sanity. Some break ups are amicable and easy, and others may result in the authorities being called. If you are having an epic heartbreaking break up, there is a way to make it less messy. You really can have a clean break and be ready to start again.
“But we were friends!” “But we were in love!” “But I talked to him/her every day all day and I just can’t stop.” Yes, yes you can. Chances are if you don’t employ some radio silence (not speaking to one another) after your initial break up conversation, you’ll find yourself having the same conversation again and again. It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. And most of all you can’t heal properly if you snatch the band aid off every time you hear you ex-lovers voice.
Break up with Family Members
I know you love his mama. I know you loved his sister like your own. You have to break up with them too. You won’t ever really get over it if his Dad still calls you to talk about the Giants every Sunday or Grandma invites you to Sunday dinner. Everybody needs space right now. Just let them know that you love them too but need your time to process the situation and get over it. Besides, how will you explain to your new boo that you can’t hang out Saturday because you and your ex’s family are playing Wii games?
If your ex had children, and you were close to them, that’s a delicate conversation. The kids need to know that they are not the reason for the break up and you can come back around later, once the smoke clears.
Change the Radio
Science shows that the music we listen to impacts our mood. I love Mary J and Drake too, but too many broken-hearted-I’m-going-to-pass-out-and-die-without-your-love songs will send you over the edge. Did you and your ex have a favorite song? Delete it. Change the radio to more upbeat empowering songs so that you can keep your mood elevated.
Unfollow, Unfriend, Untag, Un…just un-everything
Social media is the devil. If you still want your ex, chances are a new tagged photo of him/her hugged up on the girl you hate will send you right into a pile of tears and Adele lyrics. And don’t let your ex retweet anything about feeling so free and happy now, you just might burn Twitter to the ground. Social media has made it so people never truly leave your life anymore- which is sometimes very necessary. Take initiative and block, mute, hide, delete until you feel you can handle the situation.
Don’t agree to be friends…yet
Two people who were in love cannot be friends immediately afterwards. Your mind, body and heart are still in relationship mood. You can be great friends with exes over time. However, if you still have romantic feelings and try to continue hanging out right after you break up you may slip back into your old routines and feelings. Now one of you may think that you’re getting back together one day soon and will be sorely disappointed to meet your ex’s new boo. Now it’s a real mess!
Let go of closure
You don’t need your ex’s approval to move on. Closure is internal and self-given. The desire to find and seek closure often keeps us stuck in a cycle of unanswered or half-answered questions. Sometimes you don’t need to know why, how or when. Learn to accept apologies that may never come. You just have to accept what happened and decide there’s nothing you can do but control yourself, fix yourself, heal yourself, and move forward.
Stay out of Marvin’s Room
If you drink, you may swan dive into a bottle of wine or hard liquor to get through a cold night post-break up. Drink responsibly and for the sake of your sanity give a friend your phone. Drunk texts, calls, or sex with your ex will only make the break up more messy. If you have to turn the phone off or throw it across the room, do whatever you need to do to make sure you aren’t cussing them out or begging for them to come back. You’ll always regret it the next morning.
Leave and Stay Gone
The back and forth game is always a failure. Only a small percentage of couples actually get back together in the first place and many go on to break up again. Of course two weeks later you still love him. Of course when her birthday rolls around you want to call. Those are all natural feelings because you did bind yourself to this person for weeks, months or years. However, if you decide to break up you need to leave and stay gone. Take time to recover, explore your new-self, and THEN decide if you want to still be with them after the emotional shock has worn off. Only then should you try it again.
Have you had a messy break up? How did you make it less messy? What lessons did you learn? Comment below!
Dee Rene is the writer and creator of Laugh.Cry.Cuss., a faith based blog that finds valuable lessons in pop culture and every day life. She is based in NYC. You can follow her or the blog on twitter @deerene_lcc @laughcrycuss or visit the site at http://laughcrycuss.com.