Going to Bed Angry – Bad Advice or Can Sleeping On it Actually Help?

September 8, 2013  |  

One of the first questions I was asked not long after my wedding was, “Did you have your first fight yet?” I laughed because my husband and I had a little tiff during what most would call the “honeymoon” stage. Granted, we’ve had several arguments long before we got married, so having a disagreement isn’t new to us. But having an argument not long after you say “I do” can sting a little bit more than normal. One bit of advice most new brides and grooms get prior to walking down the aisle is “never go to bed angry.” I try to put that into practice most of the time because I understand not wanting to go to bed mad at your baby. Tomorrow isn’t promised, so it makes sense to not take love and life for granted.

However, I said I put that advice to practice “most” times because I actually do think there are times when going to bed angry or sleeping on it rather than arguing all night is a better idea. Here me out.

If you’re familiar with the Ne-Yo song “Mad,” you may recall these verses:

She’s staring at me, I’m sitting wondering what she’s thinking
Ummm Nobody’s talking, cause’ talking just turns into screaming
And now yes I’m yelling over her, she yelling over me,
all that that means is neither of us are listening,
and what’s even worse, that we don’t even remember why we’re fighting

So, in that case…I think it’s okay to go to bed angry. I know that goes against all the couples or marriage advice out there, but think about it. Trying to stay up to resolve an issue may actually do more harm than good. Sometimes things are said that we may not mean, words are spoken that we cannot take back and no one is thinking logically, especially when you’re sleepy.

We fall into this place where you ain’t backing down, and I ain’t backing down,
so what the hell do we do now?

When you’re angry and tired, you’re not thinking straight. That’s when real damage can be done, especially if it’s clear that neither of you are listening to each other and are no where near finding any common ground anytime soon. If neither of you are backing down at that moment, just walk away and take your behinds to sleep. Once you get some rest, you can awake refreshed with a better perspective on your disagreement; even if you’re still angry, you may be able to see your situation in a more reasonable light. Perhaps then, you and your partner will be able to discuss your differences without yelling or arguing.

Some disagreements can be resolved quickly and painlessly. But others may require you to step away and save the discussion for a new day. It’s easy to forgive and forget in some instances, but words, once uttered, can never be taken back. So if your relationship is worth it, take a break, get some sleep and find your equilibrium so that you both don’t say or do something you’ll regret later. If you’re so angry that you can’t go to sleep, tell your partner that you don’t want to argue at that moment and that you need time to get your head together. Say a prayer, meditate, take yourself to bed, awake refreshed – or at least cooled down a bit – and you may be able to face your man and your relationship with a fresh set of eyes and a clear mind. It may not work for everyone, but for some, it may be just what the doctor ordered.

What’s the silliest thing you’ve ever gone to bed angry over?

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